crystallized.

you make it real for me

2011-02-26T02:51:00.003+08:00

19 feb: went over to your place to aft training at CA. went to orchard to shop for your notebook! saw alot of notebooks.
sunday 20 feb: met up with the others at night.. i was late. zz. cause i went to your notebook. then i took too long. hahah. mm. really wanted the green covered one but the thickness wasn't right.

monday 21 feb: suppose to meet you for lunch (porridge at chinatown?) but i ate brunch at home instead at 10am because my mom had left food for me on the table. went over to your place to study.. and we had curry rice at maxwell food centre at arnd 2pm. yum. you tiao and soya bean milk for dessert, while you had orange juice. you bought 2 rolls of popiah that turned out to be super spicyy. then i went for trg and missed the election rallying. hahha.

surprisingly (and very much coincidentally) met siying outside the gym along the corridor. so i didn feel tt embarassed about having to walk into the conference room when the meeting's already about to end. heh.

training wasn't too bad. did pyramid pullups. which just reminds me that i havent trained a single pullup since monday.

tuesday 22 feb: i lied that i was going to meet anh! i reeeeaaaally had to use as much time as i can get to do up your notebook.
went to eastpoint (and took one hour -.- ) to choose 2 pens; one black and one brown:) .
as expected the starting was the toughest because it could only begin when the planning has been finalised.
copied all the relevant blog entries, plus about 3 or 4 more of the book entries, and went to slp after that. time check: probably around 4am. or 5.

oh! i met you at 6.30pm to have dinner at ion! quiznos! which tasted reallyy good. and fresh. we walked over to cathay; thinking to catch a movie. time check 8+ pm as we were watching trailers. watched "what women want".
and the last 5 mins of "the king's speech". hahhahaha! well we caught the speech xD
nearly last train home. you told me you smiled all the way back home..

you said i'm easy to talk to.
so long as im easy for you to talk to.
230211, 0150: "the luckiest guy in the word"

wednesday 23 feb: felt bad because i knew you were at home and probably feeling ill. but i couldnt go see you :/ wrote and wrote i.e. copied and copied. till there's a big thick blister on my third finger (which is still sore) and my wrist was hurting; but i still carried on copying. around 12am? anh says: faster la!
hahaha. decorated, drew, chose;print;pasted, filtered, coloured, highlighted. yes finally finished at 5am+
the sense of fulfillment is incredible. DAMN HAPPY. went to sleep.

thursday 24 feb 2011:
happy valenthursday :):)

it's our valentine's week! ahhaha.

yay. met you in the morning. which i was late. sigh. went to rider's cafe for breakfast :) :)
your gift is so thoughtful. nothing i could have even imagined. ahhahah. really. out of the world; in the stars and moon!! ;D (literally.) 3 stalks of roses~
sigh weather was nice. but we walked out though. too bad couldn't go into the stables area to see the horses..
went to botanic gardens! so that i can pass you your gift. (yess-arh)

then you told me how could your gift compare to mine..
well i really thought yours was "damn up" what. handicraft!! while mine is er.. well, book. hahah. but after that i was really happy that my gift to you was what you felt the best thing ever.

read till the cow came home. (and looked like the heavens was going to rain down in torrents). we went to MARXX (Arteastiq Tea Lounge by Marxx) at mandarin gallery. (pomelo tea is nice! so sweet:) gelato and ice tea not so.. mm. but ambiance was.. greaatt.) the sweetest hang out place ever.
i teared. 2 tears was all tt left. you saw one tear. i wonder if you knew.. the reason why i "didn't want to know the answer".

"was i the rebound" you nvr quite answered the qns present across my entries.. somehow i felt that maybe i could sense the answer; since you didn't address them. i'm was the rebound yet i'm still happy? x)
i can't help but shake my head.

headed over to cuppage.

you thanked me for opening my heart to you; and for trusting you. as we sat there; along the walkway where tens and if possible hundreds could have walked past. we only sat for half an hour or so.

took a pict with a heart shape. yay x)
fantastic day. wished you were well, to have made it even better.

you smiled so brilliantly today. "the happiest guy today in the entire universe"

the most vibrant i've ever seen you smile at me.

250211, 0027hrs : "holding on to the hand of my most important person in my life the whole day today..next to me..who is the reason why i bear my phone with so much importance when you are nt with me.."

friday 25 feb 2011: HAPPY 2nd MONTH.
dim sum breakfast @ dhoby ghaut. (surprised you wore shoes xD )
head to your place. studied. webcasted. [2 songs exchanged. 'surprised i had one too:) ]
you went for tuition while i coloured.
had a fantastic talk with your mom. talked about alot of things. learnt ALOT of things. you, your brother, your sister.. about your mom too..
(thankful that your mom would share so much with me. what can i say. i feel so accepted into your family; parents wise that is. thankyou. really. your parents are wonderful.
your mom can get naggy though. like all moms.)
dinner was yum. neat. 3 of us. at the dinner table.

you make it so real.

something has changed. it's as though something had solidified overnight. words need not be spoken; msges need not be exchanged. as though theres now a direct synapse? nearly. maybe not quite but somehow transiently.. like a dotted line.

my heart is bursting. like a gargantuas starburst.

2010-11-19T22:44:00.001+08:00

omgg. you sweep me off my feet.

i dunno what to sayyy.
thanx for the sunflower! xD
simply dumbfounded.
it might not be much but it's got me dumbfounded.

yanning is that you btw? hahhah. don't put anonymous can! scares me much. :X

freefalll

2010-11-08T08:59:00.002+08:00

it's amazing. i like the feeling :D

i had no idea how much i had held back was because of you. x)

i'm always touched that you had once been interested in me though.

now it feels like freefall all the way.
yesterday was a happy day. we talked endlessly. hahah. even at the platform we could have went on. and you were like : "don't tell me now over the platform arh!" when we had been seperated by the railway line at tanah merah :D

i look at you and think: you're the one:]
the one whom i'll let my heart break over.

exams are coming crystal pls study you have less than 2 weeks.

this ain't a love song this is goodbye

2010-11-07T11:44:00.002+08:00

we rode in the rain. haaah. mm. romantic? if it had been a love scene it would have been pretty darn romantic. albeit very crazy. but its not. i really didn just wanna "meet below the block" -.- but of all places we chose you picked tt place. sth that i wouldn't forget really. your plan a, plan b, and plan c locations if it had not rained. we still went with it anw.

the jewel box was so nice :O one of the most romantic chill out places i've seen. but of course we weren't going there lah. since i was in slippers especially. you still tell me to wear teeshirt and shorts when you wore berms and loafers. we just hung around. and walked up and down :O cause i felt too awkward if we had just sat down to talk.

i was half holding back with him because i was afraid if i had left anything hanging with you. the "what are you doing crystal" feeling. your blessing had meant so much, i had no idea the extent, nor that i had even been looking for it in the first place. there was a part of me that was holding back because i felt that i had to let you know beforehand. to be fair. so that i won't get nightmares and won't have to worry if you'll be fine.

but you knew! somehow. all along ever since that mambo night when everything transiently met at a crossroad. how embarassing though. i had nooo idea the i had looked that overdressed, and its implications. hmm. ohwell. inthepastinthepast.

but recently you were so nice. and forthcoming. its as though you felt you no longer had anything to lose. i was extremely surprised when you said you were actually at the mrt station. like "pop" there you appeared out of nowhere. and you had waited for like what.. half an hour? deep down i was touched cause i had thought "come'on crystal, you're not that important pls -.-" so i didn dare suspect anything. i thought you had been out for supper or sth. but your appearance there just proved me wrong just when i was thinking who was i for ppl to do that anyway.

i'm so glad we had that meeting. even though initially i had doubts: ok this talk is not going to work out cause i dun even know how to start. maybe i'll just leave it to AFT you come back.
the procrastination alarms bells rang off; i knew i can't keep putting it off.

its like a knot in my heart that i've released. thanks steph for suggesting that talking face to face really would be better. it indeed is, i feel like i dun even have to pass him the msges anymore. and really certain things i'm just thinking too much:) nvr would have known if i had just passed him the stupid msges and left it as it is.

everything still feels the same between me and you:) just that now i know how to frame what i have between you and me.

___________________

meeting you to study today. x)

2010-11-04T20:15:00.003+08:00

and after finding reasons not to like you, yet i think i still do.

saturday 23rd october. huiqi's fabulous hotel suite party.

   met you after that. thought you were waiting hahaha but its just that you were still out.
   sat and talked about random stuff along the river.
   you didn agree it'll be strange to get tog w someone one has
   known for so long. but it was subtle and we didn talk about it.
   cam whored at the bus stop. when you got too close it wasnt comfortable.

sunday 24th october. nike run. i was late. the run was great.

monday. you bought me warm soya bean milk for reporting stats lecture in the morning. it was a chilly day.
you gave me a lunch box with peanut butter bread in it. would have been a lifesaver had i have had trg tt night..

wednesday 27th october. kaya + jam bread. started to think alot about things. something was bothering me and chris was on my mind.

thursday 28th october. steph i think you talked to me. made me feel better. realised what had been bugging me. i felt better that i've decided not to pass the msges to him but to meet him and talk face to face.

friday 29th october. stayed in the school library with you and suping till late to do remote sensing project.
   it was 10pm plus. said you wanna bring me to have the ee mian, i knew it would be closed anw but you still wanted to give it a shot. we reached at 11 and ended up at chang jiang(?) (below the chinatown central w the famous fishhead.) had fishhead beehoon which was good. and porridge. dinner that night was unintentionally on you it seemed :X had said i'll return you the money on monday cause i had no small change but i forgot when monday came.

saturday 30th october. halloween party. i think i was too sticky cause i kept msging.
you had a sweet tongue that night. over sms. i wasn't quite convinced cause of the way you acted after that when i got into the cab. although it had only been one sms.

words were that easy for you.
i feel that they may not be the truth. words are just words. feels like you had said it just for the sake of saying it.

sunday 31st october. spoke to anh. spoke to brother.
i'm reconsidering my situation, and have decided to not be so gullible.

yesterday. you bought the big fourleaves bread. i hadn't really wanted to eat it but i still took it since you bought 2. wanted to pay you yet you didn want. -.- placed a bottle of 100plus in my bag. but i don't like drinking 100plus :X hahah. so you drank half and more.

-ran on the treadmill at cardio lab. that was quite fun. the lab ppl were uber nice. sharon, jason, zul.

today. you bought a tube of maom sweets. it was in my pencil box. i feel that you've been used to doing these kinda things in the past.

dj got us falling in love again.

2010-10-23T16:46:00.009+08:00

"that which touches the soul/heart is nothing more than a fleeting emotion."

maybe i should just go be a nun. ahhahahahahah.

christopher's 21st celebration yest. combined with karl's. same place as adam's. ahha. but block C#2. had fun deco-ing. tho damn tiring cause i think i'm damn OCD -.-
didn't stay. strange with ryan, jazreel and sabrina around.
but yet i stayed up till 6.30 am aft reaching home at 3 plus :O
sorting out alot of things i havent quite expected to. started off with writing of the msges onto the slips of paper for him to bring to aus. ( lw's idea (y) )
i wrote 17 slips i think. in total. ahhaha. started off as crap, then i started penning down my thoughts.

i'm still wary of the direction i'm going with t1.
afterall, that which touches the soul/heart is nothing more than a fleeting emotion right marcus low? ahhah. i wonder where in the world you had gotten that quote, and how you could stand putting it in your nick for since the start of time. but i seem to understand what it means now. had nvr quite agreed with it until now. random much.

the msges i wrote you. are really heartfelt. hmm. this friendship is worth sacrificing any risks or change in dynamics tt'll be present in a "bgr". nvr quite understood it till now.
we go way back and we have so much history. i just can't see us getting together. hahah. x)
platonic.

i hope what i've written doesnt sound too stupid :/ like the othr time over smses. that was damn stupid but i didn know any othr better way to put across what i wanted to say. or whether i should have in the first place but i've already done so anw. anw, how i've penned it across in words. i hope it doesnt sound too stupid :/
some things are hard to put it words. sounds so stupid. to clearly define things that do not have borders/boundaries/absolute definitions. i don't like it but i can't find a better way to tell you anw.

our frenship. it seems like its sth i hold close to my heart. or so i have come to learn.

t1. you told me i appeared in your dreams! hahaha. there are some things i just wanna tell you, but i can't.
i sat on the train yest on the way back home aft you alighted. and i spent the entire journey cancelling and retyping my msg.
~~"you make my day no matter how cranky i am in the morning. seeyou on sunday if the run's still on!~~ "
cancel. edit. retype. cancel.
~~"chng, strange how you make my day no matter how cranky i am in the morning. seeyou on sunday if the run's still on!"~~
cancel. edit. retype. cancel.
~~"it's strange how you seem to make my day eventuallly no matter how cranky i am in the morning. seeyou on sunday if the run's still on."~~

it ended up as
"Thanx for a breakfast full of milk pan love! Hahah."
which im happy cause it conveys what i wanna say basically anw.

i just couldnt send it. doesnt make sense to i guess. even though it came up on my mind the entire day in school while we were tog. kept thinking its like no matter how lousy. cranky. pms-y. im just a freaking rebound kinda feeling why am i talking to you. i get in the morning, you just seem to make my day better one way or another or by just being there and your cheerful self. or how we laugh tog. or how you make me laugh and feel better abt school.
i'm just still worried. skeptical. suspicious. the duration from your breakup. its just not right. you didn seem to have had a proper buffer time. you had came to me for an avenue. an outlet? to talk things out. to HTHT. maybe its just that the cause and conditions had been placed right. it doesn't feel right. i guess time would tell, but i hate it when i say that.yo
u're so direct. i can't help but react the same way when i know that this. i dunno. i wanna ask you i can't. are you aware that you're rebounding; are you rebounding; are you waiting; have you given yourself buffer time; are you sure; do you know where you're going with this; ARHHH. don't play with my feelings. ahhahaha. even though i know you would nvr. im just not sure if you're aware. but maybe right now i should trust.

i should write you an unposted letter.
but i'm suppose to be doing work -.-
and i hate my post title. hahha

you dreamt me. you were bringing me around your band room which was like a maze with many rooms.

you make it easy, as easy as onetwo, onetwothreefour

2010-10-22T02:11:00.004+08:00

wednesday:
1 x snickers bar from out of nowhere.

thursday. passed like normal.
but we went to macs.

friday. breakfast at holland v. : O

i have you tiao/butterfly/hum ji peng/oily nonsense of similar sort etc craving. heh.
but we're going provenance anw.

interesting. i wonder if this is compromising on studies :(

mr rebound, are you rebounding?
i love that you don't play games though xD
not the games ks seem to play; which are how irritating.
nothing like anything i've ever been through :)

mr rebound. i sigh.

~~i'm glad i've put certain things like ks in the past -.- i forgot how~~ ~~childish/disrespectful you cud get.~~

you smile, i smile.

2010-10-21T00:12:00.006+08:00

the song's stuck in my head.
suddenly all the love songs i had heard on radio seem to make sense. HAHHA.

someone with whom i can freely express myself and laugh as much as i want

but when things are too good to be true, they probably are.

friday: 3 sets of 5 pullups.

-heh. before you went swimming.

saturday: spontaneous dim sum buffet. course-of-action-diverted from eating vegan burger @ eunos. couldn't believe mr omnivore wanted to go have vegan burger :D

study at SMU! woaho. nice place. you were troubled and were settling some things over the phone. stayed so late to finish up my chapter i missed my train home.
lucky i still caught 7 to head to gu ma's place x)
you waited which i was kinda touched in a weird way. ahhaha. you were so subtle. i was wondering; you had just let me walk to my bus stop without a second glance.

monday: ya passed me 2 packets of HOR YAN HOR tea (lol!) cause on sun morning i said i felt like i was gonna get a sorethroat
you were troubled by an erroneously sent sms :/
went to mr bean to satisfy soya bean milk craving. wished sth there could hav made you feel better but you were full anyway.

tuesday : 2 sets of 10 pullups assisted :D

- ran into hui ting who was outside MPSH2 tt morning. was kinda embarassed, wonder if she would think/ felt that anything was unusual.
-you gave me a bunch of banana inflorescence flowers. bunch of 4. haahahh! damn cute lah the effort. tied in orange string which i was so surprised about where in the lab did you manage to get the string from.

super thick haze. you said it was harder to breathe.
i said "sometimes i feel the air is harder to breathe yet its nth to do with the psi! xD you ever get tt?"
wondered what secret you said you wanted to share with me about how you went to look for the string. something abt "will only be there if you look for it"

late at night; you asked if you "had the pleasure of of inviting me to go for a movie with you aft school tmr." hahahhah. omgomg. i couldnt though, sorry for being a wet blanket. but you said no la i am not a wet blanket. hahah. x)
omgomgomg

wednesday (today): 3 sets of 10! assisted.

-nice.
turns out the secret was about some imagining what you want trick you read from the book the secret.

ate at YIH, super spicy kimchi soup with maggiemee-cheapo-pseudo-ramen. 4.20 bucks.
he had pepper lunch.

watched webcast at s16. hahahah. if i didn get it wrong i thought you faintly said cute. when i kept falling aslp during webcast. xD omgomg.

i wonder if you felt weird when we were on the train.
mm. i have a feeling you were still assessing ks which you seem to have always done so the past 2 times you had met him. but of course it might just be me. just wondering i guess.
my peripheral vision wasnt tt good.

hahah. we make a cute pair cause i find myself being able to express whatever the hell i wanna express. and laughing however much crazymuch i want to laugh, even if its over stupid things.

but when things are too good to be true they probably are. i don't want to be a rebound :/

rebound.rebound.rebound.it rings in my head.

zero-fighting no more pls!

cause i'm in too deep, and i'm trying to keep, up above in my head, instead of going under.

2010-10-18T17:48:00.001+08:00

non-stop msges. haah.

i'm just afraid it hardly means anything. if i fall in too deep.

i wanna let go with what i held on to with chris. i just hope he knows. :(
how.

love love love la la love, la la love. makes the world go round.

2010-10-11T16:10:00.002+08:00

hahha. i feel damn happy when i see these people around me being so happily in love. hahha. its like i can feel the happiness of a puppy love relationship and not have to see the sorting out issues part.

the sweet things they do for each other. so subtle but i can't help but smile.
hahah. it feels so innocent.

she wants to use the laptop but would wait because he was plugged into it and asleep.

i kinda just want it to stay that way. my impression of love. sweet and innocent. HAAHH.

really. love is all around in the air nowadays.
it makes me feel less left out that i'm not in one x)

happiness from something as selfless as blind love between two people is contagious.

2010-10-11T14:33:00.000+08:00

ohh. today my gut feelings have told me that no we won't get together in the future. nope, you're not considering. its not quite possible. it has like a shoutout. ahhah. when i passed you my shoebag to help me hold. i knew it x)
machiam some kinda trigger point.

which just leaves it that we're good friends:)

my gut feelings have been pretty accurate this month.

2010-10-11T14:22:00.001+08:00

ok i take back my words.

i dreamt last night,
that you were waiting to hand me something. and to ask i guess.
it wasn't a good feeling. it was a stressful kinda feeling.
it was like the last time when i actually had - wait until commercial break. it was terrible i really shouldnt have done that. i guess i was avoiding.

i no longer wanna know the answer and i no long wonder.
i'm glad i'm no longer weighing you down x) and that you've moved on:)

t1 once said: there's always this devil inside who would say "yes hold on."

i should stop being a bitch.

i wish you happiness!

you make me smile

2010-10-09T21:47:00.003+08:00

ah well. just when i kinda decided to take a step out.
risk abit.
out of my comfort zone...

"too bad, tt was my last attempt"
the exact words.

hahah. guess it kinda sounds like you've given up.
but the 3-days late six-paged developmental report really has taught me a lesson (yes, yes. not like all my previous late reports didn't. but this time is different. )
i really need to be doing my work.
i'm sorry i can't hang out with lah ok. guess if you don't wanna understand i won't try and make you. x)
maybe i shouldnt have suggested asking adam too, but that was what i had felt like doing though. ohwell.
i still havent met adam to talk to him. the longer the duration till that happens, the more things kinda seem slightly different after everyday, from what i originally wanna say. more things to say maybe?

--------

back to the point about it being different.
this time i had the support of a friend. someone i might just call best friend. hahah. :] :]
you make me smile. hahahah. but its not the in love kinda smile i guess. its the i'm so glad you care kinda smile.
first time i've a friend like that i guess.
hahah. your support during that period was incredible. sometimes you didn't do much. just the occasional reminder to take a break. (and buying a piece of chocolate for me here and there xD )
now maybe tts what made a difference. i was so uptight (and upset) about myself not being able to do and submit the report in time. hahha. its not the "jiayou you can do it" kinda support. its the "take a break, you're doing what you can" kinda support :)
it makes me just wanna do better x)

i really meant it when i had said she's lucky to have you. hahha. hmm.
tt kinda has occasionally weighed down in my mind. that: hmm. i had said that. but now the two of you are no longer together. does that change things.

BUUT, im thinking too much. x) come'on. i dun wanna be told that i'm just the rebound. i wanna be told that im a treasured friend. not something of convenience.

it bugs me so often. to have sth happen out of convenience. just like the feeling i had first gotten from you chris.

------

i've a feeling i've just been placed behind the "just friends" line. hahah. i've noticed that i made the last statement in our conversations and you didn bother replying. hahha. looks like our conversations are about to be cut short.
can't say i feel like i'm missing out though :S

might be a weight lifted. that i might no longer be implicating you if what i feel like doing is to just msg you. not lead you on. just friends ain't so bad! i don't have to worry about what i'm relaying if i do certain things, and thus have to stop myself. tt was the reason why i msged adam randomly instead of you really.

i was just thinking about it. i should concentrate on my studies. its just one more year. i can't keep goign out and having fun all the time. and i just wonder: will you be someone who waits?

wondering just for the fun of it.

---
t1, i really do love you as a friend :] sometimes i feel like conveying it but i stop myself all the time.
or maybe not all. hahah.
but tt occasion was subtle. i was really grateful for your support during the struggling-with-devt-report period. ^^

they tried to make me go to rehab, but i said no no no.

2010-10-03T11:19:00.000+08:00

come on man. why are you procastinating. you're not doing honours doesnt mean you don't have to do your assignments. especially when it weighs FIFTEENNNN freaking per cent. crystal where's your single-pointedness!!

i wanna climb/boulder/train.

rar.

you asked me if i have any feelings for him.
i really do hope we meet up in school to talk about it. i need to talk about it. to convey it at least. im not sure if you'll tell him but im thinking you would. so that would be a good thing for him.

i have feelings for him.
but i don't want to go into it knowing that i might hurt him. again. eventually :/
i'm uncertain of a future with him which i can't seem to picture.

its different blogging knowing that its no longer a blog where you know no one would delve into your deepest inner thoughts. if y'all are reading do comment!
i'm thinking my audience probably would only comprise of one :D

when i get to warwick avenue

2010-10-02T01:14:00.008+08:00

when i get to warwick avenue

pls drop the past and be true

don't think its ok just because i'm here

you hurt me bad but i won't shed a tear

absolutely love this song

When I get to Warwick Avenue
Meet me by the entrance of the tube
We can talk things over a little time
Promise me you won't step out of line

When I get to Warwick Avenue
Please drop the past and be true
Don't think we're okay just because I'm here
You hurt me bad, but I won't shed a tear

I'm leaving you for the last time, baby
You think you're loving, but you don't love me
I've been confused, out of my mind lately
You think you're loving, but I want to be free
Baby, you've hurt me

When I get to Warwick Avenue
We'll spend an hour but no more than two
Our only chance to speak once more
I showed you the answers; now here's the door

When I get to Warwick Avenue
I'll tell you, baby, that we're through

I'm leaving you for the last time, baby
You think you're loving but you don't love me
I've been confused, out of my mind lately
You think you're loving, but you don't love me
I want to be free; baby, you've hurt me.

All the days spent together
I wished for better,
But I didn't want the train to come
Now it's departed -- I'm broken hearted,
Seems like we never started
All those days spent together
When I wished for better
And I didn't want the train to come

You think you're loving, but you don't love me
I want to be free.
Baby, you hurt me, you don't love me,
I want to be free; baby, you've hurt me.

you think you're loving but you don't love me

2010-09-28T00:40:00.005+08:00

kang sheng its as though you heard me. ahhahah. ok, who am i kidding.

i need to study.

you of all times choose to suddenly share at this time.

you're complex. i had no idea to what extent until now.

t1! why are you treating me so nice. sigh. i look at you and sometimes i feel. that.... ok, what runs through my mind half the time is that im the rebound lah really. i wanna ask you but i dunno how.

some things i feel, really shud just be kept to myself. naive thinking/actions can ruin things?

today's a long day why the hell am i still blogging.

its hard to say i'd rather stay awake when i'm alsp, cause everything is nvr as it seems

2010-09-26T01:07:00.000+08:00

crystal. it clearly feels like a rebound and you know it. sigh.

time to put things into proper perspective.

brother says to keep a distance and stop fufilling the rebound girl role. thats generally the idea he's putting across anw. if he's not treating me as rebound he would still show interest even if i stop fufilling that "she's-so-caring" role.

chris is a good friend. can the line be crossed? will that be weird. it feels like it'll end up like sis and kailun. really. he's giving. i'm guilty? really there shud be no feeling of guilt if i were to enter a r/s. but it really kinda feels nice and comfortable. but i clearly know i feel he's a very good friend. so can the line be crossed?

kang sheng is the one with the spark. but i'm just not sure if he's the one if he hadnt showed the interest at certain points of time i felt was significant. everybody i've spoken kinda rules him out. other than kor tt is. he didn't comment at all.

brother says its the chemistry that's the most important. so did peizhi. brother: once you're good friends, there's no more spark.

had a good talk with yuanjing and steph nonetheless. yesterday night. feels like i've been spending too much time thinking about unnecessary things anw!

3rd place btw. for Sim Bouldering Championships 2010.
love it. it brings across a lesson of discipline to me. i need to refocus on studies.

but i can't help but wanna love. but who? its got me confused.

is kangsheng really ruled out because he missed my event. sigh. kang sheng what are you thinking. guess its nth much since you might probably be refocusing on studies.

but if i let you go, i will never know

2010-09-21T17:23:00.000+08:00

just had lunch today with christopher! we rode to old airport road to eat some random stuff. the prawn noodles were oily. esp after sitting it on the table for awhile. hahaa. chris ate yu pian mee fen.

i like the randomness though:) wish we cud have caught a movie aft tt. but there're no good shows ( ithink?) and he had F1 standby/official job to attend to.

climbing camp just ended. recess weekkk is here!! yippie.

i wanna lose all that fats around my tummy :( :(
but still i'm eating junk food like chocolates, biscuits, chips, MOOONCAAKE.
i cannot resist :/

anyway kangsheng and i went to basil alcove on friday.
had bubble tea after that. the one outside mos burger. he likes it alot. ahhah. i thot it was mmm. not too bad lah. i wanna drink koi one day!
we talked. quite alot. i noticed he drank his cup rather slowly. hahha. or was it just that i was drinking fast.
we talked alot about everything under the sun. police force stuff. my stuff. studies/future job. my snr. our mutual frens. his frens. stories. family. and he still had drink in his cup.
then he took the train to pasir ris to take a bus to sengkang instead of taking the train to sengkang.. mm. but for all i know the train-bus way may have been more direct.

he accompanied me to shop for my angel-mortal gift too, before we went for bbtea. funny feeling when my shoulder brushed his, and i couldn't help folding my arms in front of myself aft that.

it was a nice dinner though :] i saw his msn nick that night, and i couldnt help just staying as "appear offline" the whole while. it read sth along the lines of: the one i want to protect.. is you.

the next time i saw him online, it read sth along: just the way you are!

his fb status read running away though. on sunday night.

but anw they might not be linked. seriously. there's no evidence that they're of any reference to me. i've learnt my lesson. the hard way. from xingwen.

once bitten twice shy they say.

2010-09-12T21:24:00.000+08:00

"If someone wants to be a part of your life, they’ll make an effort to be in it so don’t bother reserving a space in your heart for someone who doesn’t make an effort to stay."

love this qoute from steph's blog! :)

after reading her blog, her optimism is contagious. hahha. maybe theres no harm keeping my options open? x)

afterall t1 is right, i kinda let my head rule all the time, and keep my heart behind barrier after barrier..

this time baby, i'll be bulletproof

2010-09-12T00:33:00.000+08:00

now you suddenly ask.
doesn't quite make sense nor feel right.
you couldnt bother to come down from the library to drop by climbNUS.. why now the sudden interest?

it no longer feels like what i want.
things have changed it feels.

the feeling you give me is that of hesitation.

i'm glad i have good friends:) :) :)
for you and you, thanks for the listening ears <3

everyday I love you less and less

2010-09-07T16:23:00.000+08:00

and so tuesday is here.

hmm.

I'm holding on because of what I think is there.

But its not there.

be it whether it might have been remotely there in the past or not. certain things feel strange when i think about it. I'm not sure if the lines had already been drawn that we're just friends and always will be just friends. But i'm fine with it:) the conversations we had, i had always thought it felt like there were on the basis of "all we'll ever be are just good friends" anyway. but adam and the othrs seem to have complicated it. whether out of context or making it clearer in context, or blowing certain aspects out of proportion from what there originally were - insignificantly small.

it doesnt matter whether your heart was broken from that 3 times lah. i'm just unsure why it was raised in the first place if it didn matter you know kangsheng.

So i've let it go.

Cause i know what i'm here for.

And you're not it.

just like how i'm not what you're here for, as you've conveyed.

baby, i'm addicted to you

2010-09-07T16:11:00.000+08:00

and so tuesday is here.

climbNUS was a whole deal of fun. feels great to be a senior :) having control (kinda? just a little for my case lah) and knowing whats going on. seeing nus people of all sorts trying out bouldering for the first time ever~

I WON MY FIRST EVER climbing medal!! woohoo~
but my mistake might have cost me 3rd place instead of 2nd. or maybe not? some room for doubt regarding my number of attempts v.s nadiah's (from SP), since im not sure whats the tabulation. shakashi (from RP)? i think tts the name of the winner..
i was being absolutely blur headed by not using the snake tile. it goes by point system crystal!!
but the prize are about the same anw. the highest value item being the ice watch.
glad i still got to get the orange one in the end :D

new watch for me! :)

4 NW routes + 4 OW routes + 1 superfinals route
it was darn exciting being in the queue to try out OW routes. getting the feel of being where doris, beatrix, janice, uanga and the likes of the othr strong women climbers are :)
and superfinals was the last event after OW, so that kinda made it feel as though its the highlight event of the day :D

Friday:
@ Comex instead of helping pack climbNUS goodie bags in school.
hur.
bought a casio camera [Exifilm] $399 + $48extendedwarranty = $437
i didn buy the canon S95. hmm. ($699)
received free casio watch. bugged that theres only one battery given.
kor bought a plasma TV! for 729? somewhere there.

before that i was @ Chinasquare Central with Teck Chuan. @ Eden Sanctuary Floral Cafe.
Birthday meal! :D ahhahah. happpyyyyy. at least i still got to go SOMEwhere on my birthday week.
what made it happiest was actually the hibiscus cheese filo dessert. ups!
the appetising berry tasting ice cream that tastes like yoghurt ice cream:) with frozen strawberries inside! perfectly matched with the crispy pastry crust layers. sweet and delectable! yums.
the molten chocolate larva cake was just as effing good:)
an absolutely sinful meal. 3 dessert items shared between 2 people.

the comex was quite interesting. in a study of human behavior and interactions kinda way. the comex sales ppl are just obviously looking out for goodlooking people. and its interesting tt it'll always be that some ppl will probably get better deals than others.

i wanna celebrate and live my life. sayin' heyo, baby let's go.

2010-09-04T20:48:00.005+08:00

my 21st celebration on the 29th August 2010.

I was once sure I would not be holding a party and inviting everyboddyyyy, i..e. family + friends, to be in the same location at the same time for the sole purpose of celebrating something which might not need that big a blowup; my birthday. All the "trying to be in multiple places at once", not sure I was up for that challenge.

But yuanjing suggested I should just hold a party and invite all my frens! :) she and the others could help me out. This discussion happened over dessert @ udder's held to celebrate yanning's return + belated birthday. and that was, let me try and recall, on the 21st of august - 1 week before the party! hardly a discussion really. it was an IDEA.that was about it.

i was still sure i wouldnt want EVERYBODY who i've known in my entire 21 years of my life to be in the same place at the same time to wait to sing happy birthday to me. so what i had in mind was a "just friends" gathering.

i was so keen on having a bbq, right from the start when i had considered if i wanna hold anything. dad was real against it though. which was probably one of the factors fuelling the tension i felt before i uncontrollably shed tears.

anw! the planning was some degree of fun! :D deciding what food to prepare, to cook, to bring, to eat. yum yum. to bond over. hahah. some of the things on the menu wasn't materialised in the end though.

i realllly do hope at least majority of the ppl who went had enough to eat:D

ppl who went: TJ climbers!

Rickson, Kang Zhuang, Russell, Cheryl :) :)
[ really touched they came down. i had only asked them arnd 2 days before the event. ]

YuanJing, Yanning, Angelina, Desiree, Huiqi

[ really just love them to BITS. really wished anh could have been there too.

yuanjing and yanning are absolute darlings. they helped me to skewer the chicken kebabs! :)

angel got balloons for me! which i have absolutely grown to love the big still-taunt helium one that says "21" three times over it. <3

the smaller ones turned flaccid in the most 2 days time.. filled with love nonetheless.

Peizhi couldn make it but she had one delivered to my place.(my first ever official deliveryman gift delivery) ]

KangSheng, Christopher, Choon Wei, Adam, Karl

[a pity the girls couldn make it. and i got teased that I hailed from an all-boys secondary school! -.-

they came early to help me out! what i had asked was for them to help carry the drinks.. guess they didnt see it coming that they had to help start up the fire and charcoal set-up. opps.

kangsheng helped out alot. not sure if its only because he likes bbqs like he said.

yuanjing was talking to chris, adam and karl - she said they said it was mutual b/w me and him.

that kinda stirred up some stuff. things nearly got out of hand really. can't imagine what might have happened if we actually held a conversation over the phone the night after.

was it a good thing or not that the house phone was freaking faulty?

karl happened to have his X-mini speaker with him. i feel its a pity i couldnt play the playlist i had gone through so much effort to get from marisa. but not that anyone missed out anw:) ]

Uni Friends: t1, yanni, t2, kenny, li en, su ping. iris and ricky <- who came late but still came down!:)

things that happened for the bbq in a timeline that runs backwards:

ran around eastpoint right before the event to:

buy bread from cheers; wanted to get First Choice brand but there wasn't any.

look for a styrofoam box to put my ice and drinks. can't help feeling ABSolutely fortunate that the florist gave me hers, and it happened to not have any holes in it. she said her boxes always had!

buy ice from NTUC

check the price of ice at 7-11 with t1 & yanni:)

unload things from angel's car with yanning, yj, angel! the guys came over to help carry the stuff.

angel came with balloons, she drove ovr even aft she had already parked at modena! hahah.

put on make-up, decide what to wear, bath.

wanted to put on falsies! but no eyelash glue!! rarrr.

yanning came over. and joined yuanjing to help skewer green marinade chicken kebabs!

yuanjing brought eyelash curler to lend me:)

peizhi's balloon arrived?

yuanjing was first to come!

peeled 1.5 kg of grey prawns!

degut 1 KG OF SOTONG! :D

washhhhh all the prawns and trim off the feelers & sharp potrusion on its head

BARE-hand picked 1.5 kg of grey prawns and 0.5 kg of tiger prawns (which i didn try! sigh.) and 1 kg of sotong. [ hard-core or what!! hahah. i spent the MOST time at the seafood counter among all the other customers. that includes another psychotic looking woman who put in even more effort to choose her grey prawns than me. it involved ignoring my qn of how she picked her prawns as well. ]

buy paprika powder.

the day before: i went to shengshiong with kor and yanning. after training in sch @ nus - which also involved me nearly pulling out my hair trying to set up a connection to get songs from mar's laptop. resorted to trad. thumbdrive.

bought pork ribs! 3 racks. pork belly, 2 packets. and a whole bunch of other stuff i can't rmb. we saw so many bizarre things. i was horrified they sold live turtles :( :(

THE BBQ:

i spent so much time running around i'm not too sure what exactly was happenign. HAHHAH.

ahwell. its a memorable night.

particularly because of certain things i thought i had learned.

and of course learning how much my friends love me reallyyyyyy draws me closer to them. - be it just turning up, or having left a VERY lasting impression by going the distance to help me out with the event.

kor helped me out so much! the support. the feelign is incredible :) the brother who use to bully me and not give a shit. (hahahah! but yest he still did shut off the com while i was in the midst of checking the last few nusclimb emails -.- )

leroy was such a great help too. and i love jie! hahah. no matter what she does:D

yj: "they said he asked you out 3 times but you didn go. so when you asked the 4th time he said no"

i was devastated. because was this really a guy who cares/had cared? but now is too disappointed to hold on?

but hey, if things were to be this way. and if really 3 times is all you bother to try. the thing is that i had not intentionally turned you down because i could not imagine spending time alone with you.

there was that occasion i had waited at the platform for you to reply! 15 mins? maybe i should have called. you didnt either. can't recall what exactly happened anw.

i can't rmb what the other 2 times were. was it there was once that you said "spontaneity is dead" after? i did offer to meet at starbucks. was that another one of the 3 times?

why do i feel so inclined to apologise right at this moment. to apologise to you, kangsheng. nobody else but you. is it because i feel the need to protect aft the feelings you've been through for jiaxin. the thing is i really don't know how much of a player are you? (if you are.) which might have been why i hadnt "risked", and could only wonder why had you suddenly drawn yourself to me by sms-ing me more often. was i just simply one of your shoot-and-see-if-it-hits "targets". or am i feeling apologetic because i have thought of you that way, when all you simply did was care. (judging from what i learnt during the bbq) or am i apologising because i did not accept the times when you asked whether i could meet up.

i have ALWAYS been skeptical of people. when i feel that is there a possiblilty that they like me? - not out of convenience? or that they may be interested in me - not just trying for the fun of playing with my feelings? the barrier i have placed around my heart is thick. or maybe my heart. is non-existant. - is that why i find that i don't place them in guys; and therefore i don't get any of the zzt zzt feelings. I've learnt this in Dynamics of interpersonal skills! ahhaha. the different types of love!! definately not eros, or ludic. or maniac. its the pragmatic kind.

but kenny, you use to give me the zzt zzt feeling. but it wasnt a love a first sight. i have nvr experienced that! its always a step too late when i reciprocate feelings of attraction. it happened with xingwen at least.

won't yall just give me some time? i can't help but apologise for taking longer than what might be considered courteous. but that's just the way I am and maybe i shouldn't apologise. I'm more aware now at least! the game of courtship. now that I'm 21 already. ahahha!

won't you wait for me? i'm not doing it intentionally to test you. i need time to discover more about myself about you.

am i already falling deeper? :)

if it were to not work out, i'm glad i tried.

or is it that i only like them when they have pulled away?

you need to be quicker next time crystal! xD

BEL. there's this thing about bel too. ahhahah. i dunno. i thought there was something when he passed me the climbers' gifts for me.

but kangsheng, out of the corner of my eye, i caught that look in your eye. it was a look of sadness. of deep thoughts running through your head. more than once, when i was talking to kenny and the others, and when i was talking to bel/ the climbers. you were looking at me, and there was sadness when you looked away.

i need to stop saying that i dunno. its about being aware of my surrondings and ppl's feelings.

tuesday has yet to come! ><

in my phone call, i wanted to say i like you. but i have no guts to call anymore. i'll just see what happens in its place. is there a natural run of events to happen in its place?

or have you already pulled away? ><

the seven things i hate about you

2010-09-04T18:14:00.000+08:00

don't push it lah. hahah. if its not meant to be, i don't want to end up like Charisse in the Time Traveller's Wife. - Married to a man who's forever in love with a good friend who's not in love with him.

who's to say it is not just the case with him right now?

right now i can only wonder if its possible he will no longer think of her. be it in the present, or in the future.

or should i relate it to me and he-who-i-use-to-like?
but the scenario is not as analogous in many ways.

how far do i go?

2010-09-02T17:38:00.000+08:00

im not sure what i did. the impact of what i've done. what's happening. what're you thinking. you didnt ask either so is that it? that's it? finito?

i can't help but feel sad. in a very strange way. i wish we were still talking? so i can figure things out.

i have no idea where i stand, so where do i go? yes, no, stay away?

how do i find the answer to how far do i go.

i feel strange. i wished you asked why, or what was it i wanted to call about. but you didn't so i really dunno how far should i go to find out why.

"to love is to risk"

and i've nvr done that before. won't someone tell me how.

lunch on tuesday? maybe i should. afterall its only just a risk. that's only if lipeng doesnt agree on lunch on tuesday.. hmm. maybe i take things too easy, and i have to change if i want to hold on to things before it slips away.

platonic friendships

2010-08-23T13:59:00.001+08:00

sadded. theres a limit to how far platonic relationships can go? hahah. seriously?

steph's and yt's really is an exception. i.e. very special case. ahhah. seems like a natural cause of action that they would eventually get together, but i guess yt doesn't want although he wants to enjoy steph's company beyond that of normal friends.

t1 is probably feeling strange that i'm roping him to help me contact the others for my 21st birthday get-together. sadded. hey come'on. just a friend without unlimited smses asking for a favour what. but better not go too far/ask too much i guess x)

sigh.

really t1, i'm just your platonic friend.

when birthdays are suppose to be a joyous thing.

2010-08-22T00:34:00.000+08:00

fuck. why am i crying.

i said if crying makes me feel better, i wouldnt beat myself up for crying at all.

but i'm still crying. theres this point in time when crying no longer feels like a release. but after a while it just feels like pure weakness when the tears are no longer in your control.

big time wake up call. this energy you want to hold on to now and forever.

2010-08-20T01:04:00.002+08:00

Today is a major wake up call for you CRYSTAL!!

what have you been doing? feelings of uncertainty has gotten you nowhere.

it feels like a kick in the ass. pushed out of my shelter and cocoon. I wanna remember this feeling right here, right now.
i wanna harness this momentum to keep moving on till i get there to the next stage!! before i rot and die a novice weakling who finds herself giving up/letting go more than pushing on.

PUSHING ONN, HOLDING THE NEXT TILE, WORKING YOUR BRAINNN TO FIGURE THE NEXT MOVE. it felt good. i cud hold on if i want to. next up is getting myself to do it. this is it.

this energy, it feels enough to want to self mutilate. perhaps its this feeling that i've been abandoned and i'm on my own. i dun have to account to ANYBODY, but myself.

it first hit me like a feeling of abandonment. then he has given up teaching/coaching me -- i've been banished! out of his "family"

never have i felt this energy coursing through my system - to push myself.

of course reality is only so much as we perceive it to be.

when training ended, the release of emotion felt great. Hien was more than i thought:)

Crystal, you're on your own, and you wanna get there.

pls remember this multitude of feelings right here and now, what you're feeling, and this energy that is bursting out. its like a pin. focus it and it'll be able to penetrate and execute!

to burst into the butterfly before you wither and die.

opens and novice training.

2009-10-15T02:08:00.001+08:00

claudia says: you have to plan your route before going - know where your hand is going to go, and where your foot is going to step. every minute on the wall you have to know what you're doing.

i am reminded of what is mindfulness. to know what you're doing every second, every minute of being awake. this is called awareness, as i faintly recall being taught once.

today's training:
ARC
flash comp:
tsunami wall - felicia's route

work on Lhand-Lfoot match on green sloper start + RH pink crimp, LH to next tile.

smiley face wall - crystel's route
             Rhand-Rfoot match.

sun;moon wall - chloe's route(start on wall L of apex)

work on no foothold start. to Rside sloper on apex.

sun;moon wall - sandra's route(starts on Rside of apex) ** <- to complete
            route planning   blue "no. 8 shape" tile to purple jug.

sun;moon wall - claudia's route(starts on left side of wall)** <- to do last move

   no foothold start, 2handholds start to Lside yellow jug.

work on last move:

RH hold, LF cross over to blue smooth crimpy thing, end on toilet bowl on ceiling.

lizard wall - yuxin's route * <- to do last move- no fear!

work on starting move:

          Lfoot smearing + yellow crimp start, RF flat red outward sloping foothold, RH TO BLUE WHITE JUG

sandra was so encouraging and helpful here. what went through my head was : i can do it.
claudia says that i have to plan my route before going, and not go up the wall not knowing what's next.

last move:

LH yellow long tile, RH reddish brown tile with 2 nose holes(1 for fingers, 1 for the screw), LH TO BLUE SLOPER END. LF step. marissa&chloe did LH-LF match.

man wall - clara's route ( i like!)
     Lcalf muscle cramped + Rlower back muscle cramped. while bridging to read RH red white sloperish dumbell shape tile.

38degrees wall - marissa's route*
work on starting move: crammed start. green sloper start with one foothold directly below. next tile a LH move, then a RH move

i came down from the wall, and claudia glares at me and tells me to sit in the corner for 20 mins because i didn read the route i.e. didn't know which is the foothold.


the way sandra does it. its an inspiration. i wanna be just like her.

clara makes ppl believe - if she can do it, so can you!

"go crystal."
i hear fel's voice.
i hear claudia's voice.
i hear doris's voice.

sandra there to help thereafter.
or marissa gives her advice; always there to help suggest the move.

today's
home regime       ankle + calf muscles activating exercise. 8 on each leg.
                           tip toe squats. 8.
                           xin hui's scoop move. 8 on each leg.
                          => being aware of activation of calf muscles to stick onto foothold!

next time @ the gym:
hand-foot matching, heel hooking.

progressively: no foothold start i.e. both foot smearing.

the after effects

2006-07-02T20:29:00.000+08:00

i fell ill. and missed my bloody chemistry paper. the one which i spent 3 days studying organic chem for. had flu. fever. nausea. all that stuff. last sunday. its kinda also cause my sis spent 56 or so bucks on the doctor. and the mc. it got me ridden with guilt cause i might have just been as well off without seeing that old doctor.

he didnt even tell me exactly whats wrong with me. the only sensible thing he said was your throat must be quite painful. thats about all i rmb. and that i had a vein popping out of my neck. according to sis, he probably thinks i was just trying to "gegg" an mc. looks weird. ahaa. whatever.

on the topic of the JuneCommonTests, looks like i wouldnt be getting the training suspension since it was just meant to be a scare. can't wait to see whether it'll be the worse i've screwed up for an entire exam. but still i really hope i'll somehow pass.

and i'm balding!!!! aahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. its no longer a figment of my imagination cause even my brother says so. and as he says, its because of all my late nights, and stress, and sth about hormones. the only consolation i have is at least he didnt notice it out of the random. he only said i was balding after he took a second look after i asked. apparently he was balding too after a period of time he kept staying up late when he was about my age. or sth like that.

AIK. i'd better start slping earlier..

brazil's out. england's out. :(

2006-06-22T05:37:00.000+08:00

bloody blogger deleted half my half time POST!!!!!!!! ARGH. WHY?? damnit.

and it keeps the lame last line and deletes everything in between. -___-

half time.

2006-06-22T04:00:00.000+08:00

"messi! waiting for the support to arrive in the middle. its still messi!"

"this is messi!"

"its now messi."

--

it took me a while to realise that the commentator didnt mean that the tackle was messy. nor that the game is messy.

i swear one of the spectators has that squeaky tongue thing we bought in brisbane during the band trip.

for half the games i watch, i find myself rooting for the underdogs. aha. other than during the brazil-australia match. i think ronaldinho's my favourite brazilian player. aha. good feel about him. in contrast, ronaldo looks as though hes going to retire soon. poor guy really. all the criticism and media pressure he's under. he shouldn't have gotten himself so fat.

still feel sore from missing the england match yesterday. i can't believe im staying up for this match when i didnt stay up for yesterday's. i spent like an hour trying to search for hints of any repeat telecast on SCTV. but the whole damn site was in malay. which i thought was indonesian, but the fact that any word (2 actually, tayang and permain) i quoted from the site into the online indonesian-english-indonesian dictionary resulted in a no entry was found that matches your word told me otherwise. and i finally conclude that they have no repeat telecasts on SCTV. not that the search for any word that looks remotely like encore or repeat on that site told me anything. i should have just trusted that site which kinda tells me theres no repeat broadcasts.

the prospects of passing midyears looks reeeally dim now. lets see, not much left to cover. just bio and econs.

ALL of it. plus half of chem.

need not think about taking h3 anymore. aha. might just be a blessing in disguise.

i should think of half filled cups rather than half empty. even if it seems like its much less than half filled.
its much less stressful to just accept it and stop trying to cram everything into my head in one day. a 2 week ban from training will conserve me energy. >< style="font-style: italic;">messi looks a tad bit messy actually.

2006-06-18T21:05:00.000+08:00

AIK. cannot fit. click here for the bigger picture. aha. pun not intended.

eNJOY :) mentos and diet coke!!

2006-06-18T21:01:00.000+08:00

2006-06-10T14:35:00.000+08:00

its killing me. inside out.

times like these always makes me think about those choose-your-ending kinda storybooks i read when i was a kid. the kind that gives you several choices on what the main character does.. then you flip to that page. and you can always flip back to read what the other choices leads to.

with life, i can obviously only imagine. can't quite find the words to pen my thoughts down. its just that it feels quite hard to move on. just wanna let my buddies know, i think about yall all the time.

ON TO OTHER THINGS. kinda just got back from malaysia. about 4 days ago. from the expedition with the climbing club. the waterfall we hopped around on rocks across the water and trekked up for looked like a fairytale. the kind of fairytales bambi lives in. the mist, the trees, the grass... looks like the kind of backdrop they use in jurassic park movies too. without the lizards.

but the peak we trekked 5+++ hours up for was so.. nothing like what you would imagine would be like on a mountain top. the air was so still, the space so small, and everything around over the edges was white. it felt like we were in a film studio. with the background to be graphically inserted.

anw it feels good to be home. now everytime i wanna dream of a place i can dream of the waterfalls.

nth-better-to-do

2006-05-02T00:54:00.000+08:00

i have this sudden impulse to scream. out of the blue.

its either one, i lack sleep. or two, i'm stressed. or three, i've gone mad.

but i've had so much slp during the these 2 nights. so it can't be one.

kay this is really pointless. even if i complain all about my tutorials and how i never seem to be able to finish them. especially my chemistry tutorials which i never seem to be able to get about doing even 1/4 of it. aike. i so need a study timetable.

oh ya. my sister's fallen in love with sayomeds. the dog breed that looks quite like the japanese spitz.. and i have a feeling i might be hearing about how cute they are for some time to come..

2006-04-30T23:00:00.000+08:00

AAHH. YI MEEI, ANSLEY. I MISS YALL SO MUCH YALL KNOW TT? QAZIM, CELIA, everybody. yanyan. kiatyun. jelisa. and jazreel. they are such joy. and i seriously wonder how's yvonne doing.

hai. i hate it that i miss out so much. but life still goes on.

:) it's been such a long weekend. i like~ and next friday most probably would be a holiday too!!!! yAAY. that means next week is only a 3 day school week!! hahaa.

hmmm. kay i know i wanted to blog about sth a few days ago, but i can't quite rmb what.

i watched Sin City today. which was such a fantastic show. very interesting~ graphics were extremely cool. would have been so worthwhile to see it in the cinemas. what with all the "comic book effect" effects. and alexis bledel, the gilmore girls girl, was acting as one of the hookers. ahahha. but she still had tt bit of innocence factor. and elijah wood was acting as a nerdy-looking woman-eating psychotic silent kong fu kicking killer. literally silent since he didnt say a single word throughout his appearence in the show. he was wearing these reflective glasses and was so geeky that i didnt even know he was elijah wood until i read the credits. hmm. i dun get what josh harnett's character's suppose to be. all he did was shoot a woman at the start and offer alexis a cigerrette at the end. bet he had less than 5 mins of appearence put together.

i better stay up and do my tutorials. tmr's going to be a play day... and all i've done these 2 days is 3/4 of a simple AP math question. >.< OH! plus edit my PI. lol. but its still not under 500 words..

volatile

2006-04-20T19:41:00.000+08:00

now i know what yimei, ansley and all those around me during the past years in tms have gone through. my bloooody classmates keep telling me my voice is so TEH. at least once a week, they just have to say it.

whatever la. like i'm purposely doing it.

ahaa. its only when i raise my voice. at least. i hope.

---

yesterday we were singing-cum-shouting nursery rhymes and chinese songs at the parade square, around 8 pm in the night. retarded. but it made the PT so much more enjoyable. haha. but i couldnt follow along any of the random chinese choruses.

and the sun was setting before that while we were lying there on the damp dirty gravelly parade square floor resting from the leg-lifts. and there was the blue, purple, red and orange, blended in whisps of clouds, over the school fence and seemingly far far away at the edge of the sky. very breathtaking. hadn't seen a sunset like that for a long time, esp one while lying on the openspace floor. or maybe its just that i havent seen one for a long time.

life would really be so much easier if i were to join band. no blisters no torn skin no exposed nerves after the skin's torn. no lying sweatily on the gross canteen floor. hahaa. PLUS i'll get to improve on my oboe playing.

but i'd think that theres no more turning back, however much i miss band. i could get used to it. defy gravity. :) plus the people are nice.

daaamn. alumni practice break till like 16 may. =X thats like FOUR WEEEEKS. omg.

kaaay. no freaking out. even though the psycometric profiling results said im volatile and i freakout in stressful situations...

xhee hooo xhee hooo.

does that sound like breathing in and out? ahaa
maybe blowing on the reed will prevent tone deterioration to some extent...

reminiscing

2006-04-08T13:54:00.000+08:00

seems like i have a tendency to blog only once a month. =X

i miss the times we all hang around after school. yimei, ans, xw, lek, royce, celia, qazim, brian.

i miss it so much. i miss YOU GUYS so much. and somehow i feel like i miss yimei the most cause i can still feel our connection.

i feel like im going to cry. i can't seem to write much cause all i end up doing is thinking bout all the times we had each other by our sides.

there were so many times i wanted to call up yimei but only to end up realising its too late in the night when i've finally finished my work.

its not that i dun wanna call up ans, but chatting with her made me feel hurt. tho it was only that one time, i really dun wanna feel it again.

------

seems like the friendships i've made in tj seem none as warm as those i made in mj. maybe it hasnt been 2 months yet. aha. have to have some faith.

eh yanyan. kiatyun. yall go out must call me kay? even if its out to study. but tues wed and fri can't cause of cca. =x omg. i forgot bout the mj soccer matches... i so need to ssee yall online.

i need to work on my inclined pullups. dun really wanna get kicked out of climbing. but its so sickening that the kids dun play at the playground but play at the fitness corner.

tj's oac training was horrrid. that one i went to 2 saturdays ago. the seniors seem so cold. other than that few. dun feel like blogging bout it le.

my classmate was saying the abrasions i got on my knees from doing pushups on the road was cause i stood under a tree and pretended to be a ghost that alpha house function night. and there are supposedly child spirits in trees. haha. o well. if it was true i hope its happy redy.

i looked like such a sad case really. haha. not being able to walk properly for like a week. and EVERYBODY looks at my wound. on the bus and on the way home. lol. then they have that weird look on their face.

aha. just makes me think about how my wounds were "pussing" that day after the stupid pushups. and the pus was like sluggishly trickling down. tts how serious it was kay. k, i can't really call it serious at all compared to ppl who stepped on land mines. it probably was infected. by the sea and stuff, contrary to ppl saying that the sea water is suppose to be antiseptic. unpolluted sea water would probably be antiseptic. not east coast park sea water. and everybody was itching when they got into the sea. it was so amusing cause everyone was scratching themselves. haha. now my knees look like they're balding.

------

im so glad theres alumni practice. =)

one month later..

2006-03-11T20:11:00.000+08:00

my comparison table's alignment is all off.

i miss MJC lotS. at TJ everythings green and old.
but with all the classrooms air-conditioned, i could get used to it.

i miss 06S302.. alhena 3.. yanyan, jelisa, kiatyun, catherine.. galvin, wadi and the rest.. <3

but its pretty good at TJ. after i dragged myself through the first two days of orientation.

really saddened that tj's o night clashed with mj's campfire last night. i wonder if they had a full reunion.. excluding me.
it clashed with the hair salon competition thing too. and i probably got him disqualified since he couldnt find another whos willing to sacrifice her hair. =X
can't help thinking what if i actually could've done it. runway walk. doesnt it sound exciting? i didnt expect my dad to object really, since he had actually offered to write a letter so i could skip school and keep my hair a day more, after their photoshoot. now i can't go back to darken my hair. damn. no more one yr free hair service. :( maybe i shud just be thick skinned and go back to dye my hair. ahaa. maybe i shud have tried harder.
i hope the apology was enough.

looking forward to life in TJ. which i have to anyway, it'll be two years.
i hope theres eyecandy aplenty. aha.

i've got 5 days.

2006-02-11T10:51:00.000+08:00

now who in their right mind would have thot i wouldn't get a 6 for my combined humanities when i only had enough time to write one line for my 13-mark-essay, and my facts might not even have been right, considering the last time i read that sri lanka chapter was like 5 months before the exam.

i was so relieved i wanted to cry, when i saw the tabulations that the lowest my class got for combined humanities was a 3. i was soo so happy. esp when the whole class was so happy.
i bet they lowered their A1 band to like 60 marks.

but when i saw my result slip i was feeling all neutral. and the only thing i was thinking about is: now i have to decide. i really dunwanna break yimei's heart. nor piss her off.

YIMEI. i really really love you. like a whole lot. till the ends of the earth. but WILL YOU FORGIVE ME IF I DUN END UP IN SA?

now that im leaving MJ, i realise how much i love things in MJ.
like mr yeow and ms soh. they're like the greatest bio teachers ever.
and dr alfiani. the most fun-loving, exciting and interesting teacher ever.
and the wonderfully nice PE teachers. ms seah? i forgot. >.<
what if things in MJ is better than TJ. what if the teachers in MJ are actually better.
and i can't really bare the thot of going to that old school, esp when MJ's all nice and new. (other than the leaky walkways)
and i'll miss the eye candy.

now really. whats in TJ thats pulling me over? just because they're top 5? and jazreel might not even be there anymore. =((( major sadness. oh ya. the distance and convenience factor. for once in my life, i need not change buses to get to sch or home from sch. HHMMM.

i've never really thot i would acheive my examination goals.=]
i probably was too afraid of disappointment. but at least i aimed high. even tho i din expect high.

jialin's comparison table

ST ANDREW'S TEMASEK MERIDIAN

pros: [FACTS]

band is good 1.good school 1.nice clean toilets
big new school 2.teachers are good
3. relatively new building

{FEELINGS}
3. fun 2. jazreel? 4. teachers n ppl
4. yimei n ansley
5. uniform

i've got no time. i shud just do it on paper. i'm going to cut my hair to sth exciting. i shud stick with instincts and go to T.

WOOHO. im finally going to get an exciting hair cut. other than the when i cut off more than half my fringe before vogue. >.<
they're going to dye my hair. but i'll probably have to have them dye it back anyway. how sad. i hope it doesnt spoil my hair.

and no im not stupid. at least not that, cause i dun really have to pay for it. its a haircut they're doing for a photoshoot cause my sister's fren working at a relatively high end saloon, is looking for a looney girl who'll let them cut her hair into sth wacko.

wish me luck.

wooohoooho.

2006-02-09T22:43:00.000+08:00

tmr's the day. dunno what to feel really.

oh man. just read my previous post, to be reminded of the dilemma i forgot bout.

"leave it till when O results come out"

and now its here. but you know what? i bet i wun even get 11 pts to get into SA. so i should save the trouble worrying.

i reaaally REALLLY miss yimei. and ansley. and yvonne. and everybody else..

i know i should call ansley to catch up. but somehow she sounded like she had sth better to do the last time i called her eons ago. hahaa. and she didnt recognise my voice. but i think i was having a sore throat then anw, which i choose to believe.

ppl ask me how's life in mj?
and all i can really say is its not tooo bad.

during school's not bad. but after school's plain boring. cause everybody seems to go home after school. other than if they're having cca. but i love my bunch of cg mates lots tho. didnt have to hang out after school to be having fun..

band. hm. when will the stress be gone. lets just say now i feel like joining something else like badminton.

hmm. tmr'll be a hell'ofan exciting day~~~~

school.

2006-01-04T17:42:00.000+08:00

i'm ill. again.
flu. sore throat. then nausea.

missed orientation today cause the OGT said i had to go home. o well. didnt get to tour the school during the csi game.

sux (for a lack of a better word) having a sore throat. argh.

yesterday after school i hung out with one of the weirdiest bunch of people to have come together.
sabrina, galvin, ben chow, fanglu and ryan. but it would have been weirder if fatin and hidayah joined us. or rather if we joined them to go eat at long john's instead of yoshinoya.
then after tt a fren came to join us. before going to meet some juniors.

seems like he couldnt be any happier to be at CJ, as he went on about the girls there. and how theres a lack of shaui guys, which made it all the better. haha. but he says the girls are mostly very. urm. girly.

hai. t'was so sad tt we couldnt meet up. i havent watched narnia. yimei. yall watch redy not? i wanna watch leh.

i think the jeff corwin experience is suuuch an entertaining show!! everybody should watch it! hahaa. right. random. and i hate the crocodile hunter.

ANYWAY, met up by coincidence with a couple of primary school classmates at MJ. rani was like people say tt that girl theres very pretty. -point-point-
then she turns around and i was like OMG. REISHA. haha. yea. her skin is so freaking smooth. and yea. she's pretty. hahaa.

kingajoo. a member of the racoon family. sooo freaking adorable! haha. im watching the jeff corwin show and blogging at the same time bytheway.

i'm goiing to miss MJ badly when i do go over to st andrews. or IF i can/do. MJ is sooooo much nearer for me as compared to SA. i'll save like 2 hours of travelling everyday. somehow i get a feeling that these hours will be important when assignments and projects roll in. BUT maybe it may prove worth sacrificing...

dilemma. but i should leave it to when O results come out.

rather surprising to find out so many of the new meridians i met had st andrews as one of their choices before meridan.

headline news.

2006-01-01T22:19:00.000+08:00

I SAW ANSLEY ON THE NEWS.

the news 5 tonight at 9.30pm just now.

hahaaa. they were saying sth abouthow much trash accumalated on the streets of town during countdowns or festive celebrations. and tt ppl dun throw rubbish in the bins cause they're having too much fun to rmb to use the bins. and then they were showing footages of those streets, with some ppl still on the streets having fun. and there was ansley.

it wasn't tt obvious it was her actually. i didnt even take notice until she laughed. haha. qazim and others with her during the christmas countdown were probably there too, just that the footage wasnt long enough for me to see who was around her.

they were standing along the road waiting for a group of blangas to walk thru.
and when the blangas did, they sprayed them with the foam in a can thing.
thats when ansley laughed, and i thot she looked familiar. i was so surprised i couldnt help exclaiming out loud omg. wanted to call yimei to share my 'excitement' since i was msging her before that but nobody answered the phone. so spoiler. haha.

-----

the isetan sale was so bloody crowded.
and its called a private sale. -.-
but sales was up to like 50% i think. so can't say it was unexpected.
my sis says during sales people shop like everything's free. which has a little bit of truth i guess. haha. esp during the zara sale. the shop's usually relatively empty. and all of a sudden its filled with ppl rummaging thru messes of clothes for sth so tt they can get a piece of the 30% discount.
hmm.. but 30% is actually quite abit.

this post wasnt actually posted on 1st jan. haha. a fake new year post. half was written on new years day and half on 4th jan.

wee. i'm back.

2005-12-28T19:10:00.000+08:00

just took brian's quiz. tho he put it up so long ago. hahaa. and i failed it terribly. how am i suppose to know his feet size is smaller than mine..

hm. sis just called. isetan's having a sale. haha.

should i go meet her? but i've got nth to wear since everythings in the wash after coming back from malaysia.

think i should. better than sitting here in front of the com.

wear tt skirt i bought from brisbane and avoid escalators.

looks like i'm going to miss the 9 o'clock show again. suppose to blog bout meridian and malaysia. haha. another time i guess..

till then..

2005-12-15T02:14:00.000+08:00

went to the zoo today~ to see the elephants, cats, monkeys. like what else do you do there anyway.

but i am so in love with the cats. seeing the cats was what i was most looking forward to. hahaa. and they were the nicest~~ plus the polar bears. at least to me la. haha. the white tigers were soo beautiful.

after that we headed out to the airport to go send celia off. but then i didnt get to stand at the departure gates there and wave and stufff.. i didnt even get to eat dinner with them before that. haha. cause my mom actually called and asked me to go home and check if she switched off the stove. =.= she couldnt rmb if she switched it off after boiling some soup. but my mind was like telling me its switched off. who can leave the house with the stove on anyway.

but on my way home i was thinking like what if she really didnt off it and the house is on fire. hahaa. tt would be one of the saddest day of my life. it was highly unlikely anyway. for a whole house to catch fire in half an hour plus from an unsupervised pot of boiling soup.

but now thinkign about it, at least i know my rabbit wouldnt be cooked, since he's outside.

he seemed quite wary of me when i got near. maybe its cause i have all the zoo smells.. haha.

then later on i left the water heater on for too long. and my parents got back and my dad started getting grumpy bout it.

if you keep leaving the heater on so long it uses electricity know? and all this engery comes from oil! if you keep using it how is oil prices going to go down??

or sooomething like that. but he was saying something about how everyone actually has enough to use but if everyone wants a bit more then i didnt hear what he said after that. he actually said quite a lot. basically his point being stop leaving the heater on for so long, i guess. probably got extra pissed since its not the first time. for my sis esp. maybe he thot it was my sis again who left it on too for too long. wops.=X

then after that he was getting grumpy and worked up about some other stuff again. probably work. theres hardly a day he doesnt get grumpy nowadays.

and money in my wallet is disappearing so fast this holidays!!! aaAh. everyday i spend by the tens. damnit man. soon i'll have no more savings. and i havent even bought a pair of jeans. or cut my hair.

i need to slp............

brr.

2005-12-14T23:48:00.000+08:00

finally sth worth blogging when the computer's available. when i have something to blog about, the com's not available. then the next day comes, and i no longer feel like blogging it. so finally the com's available at the right time! haha.

i went ice skating today!!!

i so wanna go again. but its alllll the way across our sunny island in jurong.

i picked up quite steadily, but maybe its only because i can rollerblade.. a notch. all the kissing the floor, grazing my knees, landing on the butt and sliding across the park road in the old days... it had better come to some good use. which it kinda did, if ice skating is counted as good use.

but the highlight of this post.. is that i fell! hahaa. not exactly fell as in with a loud painful thud with the ice and limbs flying in all directions, but this woman. lady. girl. whatever. was right in front of me with her arms all stretched out and she didnt seem to be moving anywhere, taking up all the space she wanted. and its not like shes some small little girl whos relatively easier to dodge, or whos going to notice that im about to bump into her. and she just decided to stop there with her arms everywhere.

i was skating slow, and kinda just ended up right behind her outstretched arm and her. i slowed down and stopped riight before i bumped into her arm and shoulder and whatnots. then i was kinda stuck there with my both hands in front of me, swaying back and forth, not knowing whats going to happen next. i couldnt possibly grab onto her to stabalise myself and i kinda half anticipated tt i'll move forward a little and bump into her.. and she was so close, like right in my face.. that it kinda frightened me.

so naturally i lost my balance and landed backwards on the ice. on my hands or sth. but i rmb tt i ended up sitting on the cold ice. then i couldnt get up from that squat position, cause the skate boots were too stiff for me to lean forward. and this guy came along, gave me a hand and went off. haha. from the ice hockey team.. im guessing, from the way they were training. man. i hope i didnt look stupid. aha. but whatever.

but all along i thot he was quite okay looking, probably from what he was wearing and stuff la really. since i couldnt quite make out his face, with that white specs on it especially. and compared to all the other ppl there and his hockeymates. and of ALL the people in the rink to give me a hand, i even rmb vaguely tt this other guy, probably his teammate, was standing nearby, HE was the one who zoomed by and gave me a hand. aahaaha.

probably because no one else was bothered to notice i might need help la really. but it was still rather nice of him. and of all ppl. haha. my sis was at the other side of the rink and didnt even see me land on the ice la. so when we were packing up i told her i thot hes quite okay looking. and it made me feel.. urm. funny. haha. like my heart skipped a beat.. and i can hear it beating or sth. sth i havent felt for quite a long time really. hahaa. its like a feeling tt makes you can't help but smile.

but my sis said he looks funny. dwitty. tweedy. or dunno what funny word she used. haha. which is probably true since i didnt quite take a good look.

oh well. haha. so tho it was on false impressions, its still rather nice..

packet drinks are poisonous..

2005-10-08T22:51:00.000+08:00

i swear it must have been the lemon barley. and the packet looked quite battered when i got it too. if that has anything to do with it.

t'was a thurs...
i couldnt finish the dirnk in time for the am mock paper so i left it on the table tts near the hall entrance. but letting it sit there for 2 hours before finishing it was probably why my stomache felt sick after drinking it. somehow felt like gastric pangs. but since when did drinks rot in 2 hours. really don't think it could be anything else before that..

so i got home and slept. i ate some dinner, which would be a few spoonfuls of rice and soup, mainly so that i could take some indigestion pills. i regurgitated them out with my dinner after that anyway.

i puked 2 more times after that, which would be my lunch and all that cursed lemon barley drink. had a throbbing headache from then onwards.. and i really mean throbbing cause i could feel the beating in my head..

i woke up the next morning and the world.. specifically the toilet, was a blur. and my ears were blocked. thot i was going blind and had some disease. haha.. couldnt walk properly either. so i landed on my mom's bed after getting out of her toilet. was really scary cause i thot i was going to black out. but people, that was just symptoms of low blood glucose levels, so i read in a magazine not long just now.. it included breaking out in cold sweat.

Pocari was pretty much a life saver. and it was canned!! i'm never going to trust packet drinks again. and my mom made me down some molasses drink.

hahaa. and i was telling my sis, " jie, i think i've got brain damage.."

hey, i had a fever during the night, which got me thinking it damaged my brain.. haha.

and i puked again that friday morning, puked out that lil bit of fluid that was in my stomach.

then i headed out all the way to yishun with my mom to see my aunt. whos a doc be the way.. it was a pretty bad journey cause we missed our busstop, and all the while i had a spliting headache and was feeling dizzy.

my aunt gave me some horrid tasting gooey drink that's suppose to be good for hydrating my body.. plus some funny shaped pills.. and i regurgitated them out too..

then my mom brought me out to eat some soya beancurd. and guess what! i puked it out after that too. thank god for plastic bags.. or more like whoever who invented them. haha.. so its thank plastic bag inventors for plastic bags..

anyway finally manage to eat some solid food tt night. not very solid i must say. it was very liquidified porridge, but wasnt too bad cause it was some special porridge rice grains.. or sth like that.

headache and stomache's finallly gone away today evening.. today's stomache had my stomach feeling like a big bad balloon..

all in all, was a very bad experience. two full days put together.. man. hope i didnt lose any mass. but a flatter stomach would have been good.. haha..

2005-09-27T02:02:00.000+08:00

oh! ohmygod!

its yimei's birthday!!! ahhaas.

happy birthday yimei~!!!

love ya loadS!!

if she senses my telekinetic powers~~~~~

2 am on a tuesday morning....

2005-09-27T01:55:00.000+08:00

focus? i needa miracle.

so much for being late for em P1 last week.

i finished the paper in an hour, probably all due to half my bloodstream full of adreline. then when i checked my paper with the half an hour left, half the answers were wrong. >.<

and half the paper was unchecked. hai. careless mistakes make me feel like diving out of my eleven stories high room window.

poof

2005-08-15T19:02:00.000+08:00

it just occurred to me that perhaps FOCUS is about all i need.

2005-08-15T17:53:00.000+08:00

raAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!

i've been gone for quite a while and the first thing i'm doing on my comeback is screaming.

but that's basically what i'm feeling right now.

i wrote a bloody essay on it!! and all i could say was "money can be used to feed the starving. money can be used to buy medicine for those who need it really badly. money can be used to help the cold and shivering out there."

kay. maybe i said more than that but its bad enough.

i wrote a bloody freaking essay on it.

"money can be used to feed the starving." ahaa. i hope they did weren't listening to that.

[money perse isn't the root of all evil.]

i wrote that in my essay and where the hell did it go. hai.

and i didnt give an overview of the picture. i prepared it but i didnt say it. whywhywhy.

que sara sara. whatever will, be will be. the future's not our's to see...

doesnt quite answer my question but whatever.

anyway the conversation question was "money is the root of all evil. do you agree?"..

yeahyeah.

i don't grab opportunities well enough...

its about time to change and stop procrastinating. its so sick that i find myself finding excuses. but isnt that what we all do.

run away.

maybe thats just what i do.

i should look on the bright side. theres that tiny voice in my head that says maybe i didnt do that badly. although that woman kept frowning.

but i still need to change and have more determination anyway.

ignore this post. =D

2005-07-11T22:11:00.000+08:00

i've just found out something that i never knew about myself...

i never write on the line.

hahahas.

for a full two years of writing -and who knows maybe longer than that- i have never written on the line!

aha.. i just find it mind-blowing. couldn't help not blogging it. X/

but its pretty hard to kick the habit.

maybe thats the secret to hanisah's and shida's flawless handwriting... writingontheline..

2005-07-10T13:52:00.000+08:00

you know what. i don't know how true it was when i said it's ok. cause perhaps it shouldn't be.

perhaps i should keep my distance.

who knows whats going on in your head.
but you're forgiven cause what's done has been done.
i really mean what i said in the first msg anyway.

figured i dun write very nice stories...

some times i think of it and its freakin amusing.. some times it just pisses me off.

2005-07-09T17:28:00.000+08:00

yesterday i went to eastshore hospital to visit wong weijian. he looked kinda weak..

get well soon yea?

first a piece of glass jabbed into your foot, now down with fever after getting bitten by a mosquito...
haha.. leave the hospital alone redy lah. the whole class misses you.

there's nth hidden. haha..its just a space filler.
my tag board's gone haywire. I really wanted to get my template changed, but was too lazy to get the errors in the new template fixed. so till then.

woosh.

2005-05-21T23:16:00.000+08:00

chinese O's is in 9 days time.
not good.

Vogue 05 was good.

other than all my insecurities.

its no wonder why i'm never good with solos.

hmm.

but im working on it. although its not happening very fast.

so Vogue 05 was pretty successful. all thx to the ppl like the alumni- wejian. rickson. vincent. and zat. and joan. theres proably more..

i guess i pretty much overdressed. didnt see it coming. but hey. shima also mah, although she pulled it off very welll.

my fringe was so not suppose to be like this. the hairdresser lah. "its better not to have a parting. cause with one, you'll bald in time to come." just that she said it in chinese. and i didnt know she'll cut so much at the back. =( now i have to wait for it to grow all over again.

anway. kekang!! haha.. i'm reeeally touched. its very nice. i'm still going to post it even if you dun read it. haha.. thanx. like really. thanx. not just for the cup. i think you have helped me in more ways than i ever knew. even though there were bad times. but if there werent the bad times there wouldnt be good times mah right?

my shoutbox is so shouting out.. "evict me!"

from an email reeally long ago...

2005-05-13T23:23:00.000+08:00

4e-ians will probably find this familiar..

GEORGE CARLIN post 9-11 (His wife recently died...) Isn't it amazing that George Carlin - gross and mouthy comedian of the 70's and 80's - could write something so very eloquent ... and so very appropriate post

9-11. A wonderful Message by George Carlin:

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints.
We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less.
We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time.
We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.
We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes......
These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or just hit delete.

Remember, spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever. Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side. Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you. Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak, and give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

awwful

2005-05-12T19:54:00.000+08:00

arggggghs

i've got a teeerrible flu..

i've been rubbing my nose with tissue since morning.... and now its like water dripping out of my nose. feels as though swimming pool water went up my nose. but at least its not blocked, like this afternoon.

sniff

today's physic's wasn't too good. i forgot how to use a couple of formulas. Maybe the flu virus killed half my brain cells. hah, and if only that was the reason.

sniff

better rmb to bring more tissue tmr.

chinese O's is in 2 weeks and 3 days time. like how????? my chinese is so not up to standard.

i think my headache's going away. looks like [fast relief of cold symptoms ] Panadol Cold takes about 4 hours to kick in. but i'm still sniffling.

was just thinking about one of the random things mr chooi was saying during chem lesson

when you're in your 20s you study the opposite gender
when you're in your 30s you study babies
when you're in your 40s you study teenage behavoir
when you're in your 50s

kay, i can't quite rmb what he said after that.

can't imagine what will life be like 40 years down the road. especially for someone who has no idea where life's heading..

study hard first. get into a JC then think about it again? hai.

i think i wanna go TJ. but their uniform is not very nice. hah. can get in then say lah hor. i wonder if it'll be lonely if i go there. don't think ans or yimei wanna go there.

Mother's Day Eve!

2005-05-07T23:51:00.000+08:00

i bought my mum a present today! something i've not quite done before.. so i thot it was about time..

really wanted to get one that flowers. but the ones they had at pet safari were so ugly, and the cactuses were so small. so ended up getting a green green fern, with leaves that are really cute, for 9 bucks. i should have bargained. darn.

but just when i was thinking maybe if i complain bout it long enough to my sis, she'll reimburse me.. but even before i got repetitive over it, she said she would! shall actually. i have such a great sis.

hm. i think i might kill myself if my brother notices that i'm blogging and gets about reading my blog. he's unfortunately gaming behind me and the screens beside the com. i hope his game will keep him from noticing whats on the com screen.

wouldn't be going out to eat to celebrate mother's day tomorrow.. my mum can't eat anything else besides porridge and light stuff cause she's got to go for a op on her intestines. =/

nonetheless, i can't wait to give her the potted fern..

hokay! i guess either my brother wasnt that bent on teasing me about a blog, or he didnt notice the obvious when he navigated from my blog to his game cheat site.

somehow i think its the former cause he did it twice.

its making me nervous...

relieved

2005-05-06T20:26:00.000+08:00

strange enough. i'm feeling happy..

i dun have to think about it nemore~ =))

riiight

2005-05-06T19:17:00.000+08:00

im turning nocturnal.. i wonder if i'll turn into a panda too. but pandas arent nocturnal, and they're furry and cute..

hah. [refer to title]

the only time i won't fall aslp while trying to study would be about after 11.. thats not very healthy hor.

after effects of 'ling shi bao fuo jiao's..

i wonder if i'll get like premature aging of the skin..

i've got nth better to blog about.

translation area: 'ling shi bao fuo jiao's = 'last minute studying's

locked out

2005-04-30T17:16:00.000+08:00

ahhaaaaaas. i just got locked out of the house...

the wind blew. the door slammed. and there i was, stuck outside with my rabbit.

i still felt helpness even though i knew my neighbour had an extra key with her. but that was until i got the key from her. god bless her~ shoo lucky she was at home.

hahas. just brings me to why she had the key with her..

i went out to meet my sis on that day and made the biggest wrong move--not bringing my keys. so then i found out she had no keys either. so that brought us to take shelter at my aunt's place nearby. then my parents came home. and you would think we would be saved... but nooo. they had no keys either. so in the end we had to call my brother. which resulted in him taking a cab all the way from buena vista to simei just so that we could go into the house.

haha.. so now my aunt has a key and so does my neighbour..

anyway heres an unrelated fact of the day taken from some magazine...

Do you sleep too much?
A 10-year study of more than 7,000 adults found that people who regularly sleep more than eight hours are more likely to suffer strokes. "It's likely a sleep-related disease such as sleep apnea," says Wayne H.Giles, M.D., the study's coauthor at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. "Its the disorder that causes fatigue - not the extra sleep itself that increase the risk of stroke." Napping counts too, he says.

"its likely a sleep-related disease.." i doubt any of us has that disease.. haha.. so sleeping that bit more wouldn't hurt...

2005-04-29T19:51:00.000+08:00

after flipping through my past year chinese compos, i've realised that my compos havent improved that much.

how sad.

i've always told myself i'll read those chinese compo books but i never get to it until the paper's like tomorrow.

i shouldnt have left the 'jiang education' tuition.. it was really pretty good. which i only realised now. kay lah.. 3 days ago.

oh well.

i always thought chocolate doesnt do too bad at cheering ppl up.. but guess not.

today i ate up the remaining bar of kinder bueno which tasted much happier than the day before yesterday with half a glass of full cream meiji milk.. after returning from an icecream trip at siglap.

two big scoops of ice-cream
with whip cream topping
a bar of chocolate
half a glass of milk

hah. what alot of calories.. and guess what? im eating pizza for dinner.

i guess what i burned during the 2.4 run this morning's going to be returned 2 fold.. or 3. or 4...

2005-04-25T18:15:00.000+08:00

man. i can't help but feel as though i'm extra. it sucks but.. what the hell. do you guys have any idea that it actually makes me sad?

i'm like absolutely paranoid that my brother would walk into the room and see me blogging. haha..

today's summary sux. or rather i sucked at it. got way under the word limit, hope i didn't miss out too many points.

sigh. i'm like starting to miss playing merry widow and singapore rhap. wanna thank sandy, mavis and jolin for the flowers. haha.. although i'm kinda late. and wanna thank jiaxin and melissa for the chocs and the note. haha.. really going to miss you guys too. still got brisbane trip! haha.. so not that bad yet. wanna thank ruiqi too, and the sec 3s for the rock. haha.

man. i hate it when i have so many thoughts in my head.

it's quite sad

2005-03-18T18:11:00.000+08:00

i need a movie buddy. ansley ar! rather go home and sleep.. haha. but yimei.. i've got nothing much to say. i'll get over it lah anway. kinda my fault too lah huh. what i need is prolly a classmate buddy too..

i'm going swimming later~

i'm still feeling kinda sick from that big sip of packeted chocolate soya bean milk. and it was two hours ago. yeah. so it sucks big time. don't ever drink it! it made me feel like puking.

haha.. i'm so a failed blogger. the diary is prolly better for me.. then again maybe i just need some more getting used to.

i wonder where did "prolly" come from..

why..........

2005-03-17T11:48:00.000+08:00

do i always get the flu blues..
the watery eyes and the uncontrollable sneezes.

haha. not all the time but its bad enough.

today's thursday.. 3 more days to finish my hw.

i need a haircut.. its been lets see... august04 to march05.. how many months le? haha.. I can still vividly remember that my last haircut was on national day. In a rush i pulled on a red shirt and a demin skirt, and when i got onto the train i realised half the ppl there were in red. How embarassing. I guess they were on their way to kallang. Oh well. I look patriotic what right.. haha.

hmm. quite shocking ar.. That more students need counselling and dunno how per cent are suicidal.. haha.. but i was half alsp during the news anyway.

I'm still feeling too lazy to link more ppl.

now thats seriously some paragrahs with absolutely no link.

starter

2005-02-27T18:55:00.000+08:00

i've finally decided to put this to some use after letting it sit around since november the 11th last year..

hum..

to what use i've not quite yet decided.

well. seems like a lot of things are happening that i don't quite have a clue about.. but i don't have to let myself feel insignificant.

anyway i'm so glad the weathers showing signs of change before everybody gets cooked.

i can't think of anything else to write.. haha. so much for a starter..

oh yar.

today i was watching some show on animal planet, bout this lioness in africa who adopted a baby oryx, which is some antelope, and "took care of it". so poor thing. the oryx couldn't get milk then the lioness refused to hunt and eat. they assumed her pack got killed by the tribal ppl living there, so she was traumatised and confused, and also being surrounded by hostile lions, desperation drove her to lose her instincts and adopt an oryx .. pretty saddening actually. she kinda protected it, followed it around, and even called out to it when it went missing. there was like some kinda bond going on.

anyway it lasted for like 14 days before some lion ate up the antelope. after that she adopted like 3 more baby oryxes before disappearing. but none of the oryxes lasted as long as the first one..so poor thing. lioness obsessed with baby oryxes.

see lah. what we humans have caused.

haha.. so that's about it.. i haven't finished linking ppl.. and my tagboard is so freaking out of place.

crystallized.

you make it real for me

my heart is bursting. like a gargantuas starburst.

freefalll

this ain't a love song this is goodbye

dj got us falling in love again.

you make it easy, as easy as onetwo, onetwothreefour

you smile, i smile.

cause i'm in too deep, and i'm trying to keep, up above in my head, instead of going under.

love love love la la love, la la love. makes the world go round.

you make me smile

they tried to make me go to rehab, but i said no no no.

when i get to warwick avenue

you think you're loving but you don't love me

its hard to say i'd rather stay awake when i'm alsp, cause everything is nvr as it seems

but if i let you go, i will never know

this time baby, i'll be bulletproof

everyday I love you less and less

baby, i'm addicted to you

i wanna celebrate and live my life. sayin' heyo, baby let's go.

the seven things i hate about you

how far do i go?

platonic friendships

when birthdays are suppose to be a joyous thing.

big time wake up call. this energy you want to hold on to now and forever.

opens and novice training.

the after effects

half time.

eNJOY :) mentos and diet coke!!

nth-better-to-do

volatile

reminiscing

one month later..

i've got 5 days.

wooohoooho.

school.

headline news.

wee. i'm back.

brr.

packet drinks are poisonous..

2 am on a tuesday morning....

*poof*

ignore this post. =D

woosh.

from an email reeally long ago...

awwful

Mother's Day Eve!

relieved

riiight

locked out

it's quite sad

why..........

starter

poof