sadded. theres a limit to how far platonic relationships can go? hahah. seriously?
steph's and yt's really is an exception. i.e. very special case. ahhah. seems like a natural cause of action that they would eventually get together, but i guess yt doesn't want although he wants to enjoy steph's company beyond that of normal friends.
t1 is probably feeling strange that i'm roping him to help me contact the others for my 21st birthday get-together. sadded. hey come'on. just a friend without unlimited smses asking for a favour what. but better not go too far/ask too much i guess x)
sigh.
really t1, i'm just your platonic friend.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Sunday, August 22, 2010
when birthdays are suppose to be a joyous thing.
fuck. why am i crying.
i said if crying makes me feel better, i wouldnt beat myself up for crying at all.
but i'm still crying. theres this point in time when crying no longer feels like a release. but after a while it just feels like pure weakness when the tears are no longer in your control.
i said if crying makes me feel better, i wouldnt beat myself up for crying at all.
but i'm still crying. theres this point in time when crying no longer feels like a release. but after a while it just feels like pure weakness when the tears are no longer in your control.
Friday, August 20, 2010
big time wake up call. this energy you want to hold on to now and forever.
Today is a major wake up call for you CRYSTAL!!
what have you been doing? feelings of uncertainty has gotten you nowhere.
it feels like a kick in the ass. pushed out of my shelter and cocoon. I wanna remember this feeling right here, right now.
i wanna harness this momentum to keep moving on till i get there to the next stage!! before i rot and die a novice weakling who finds herself giving up/letting go more than pushing on.
PUSHING ONN, HOLDING THE NEXT TILE, WORKING YOUR BRAINNN TO FIGURE THE NEXT MOVE. it felt good. i cud hold on if i want to. next up is getting myself to do it. this is it.
this energy, it feels enough to want to self mutilate. perhaps its this feeling that i've been abandoned and i'm on my own. i dun have to account to ANYBODY, but myself.
it first hit me like a feeling of abandonment. then he has given up teaching/coaching me -- i've been banished! out of his "family"
never have i felt this energy coursing through my system - to push myself.
of course reality is only so much as we perceive it to be.
when training ended, the release of emotion felt great. Hien was more than i thought:)
Crystal, you're on your own, and you wanna get there.
pls remember this multitude of feelings right here and now, what you're feeling, and this energy that is bursting out. its like a pin. focus it and it'll be able to penetrate and execute!
to burst into the butterfly before you wither and die.
what have you been doing? feelings of uncertainty has gotten you nowhere.
it feels like a kick in the ass. pushed out of my shelter and cocoon. I wanna remember this feeling right here, right now.
i wanna harness this momentum to keep moving on till i get there to the next stage!! before i rot and die a novice weakling who finds herself giving up/letting go more than pushing on.
PUSHING ONN, HOLDING THE NEXT TILE, WORKING YOUR BRAINNN TO FIGURE THE NEXT MOVE. it felt good. i cud hold on if i want to. next up is getting myself to do it. this is it.
this energy, it feels enough to want to self mutilate. perhaps its this feeling that i've been abandoned and i'm on my own. i dun have to account to ANYBODY, but myself.
it first hit me like a feeling of abandonment. then he has given up teaching/coaching me -- i've been banished! out of his "family"
never have i felt this energy coursing through my system - to push myself.
of course reality is only so much as we perceive it to be.
when training ended, the release of emotion felt great. Hien was more than i thought:)
Crystal, you're on your own, and you wanna get there.
pls remember this multitude of feelings right here and now, what you're feeling, and this energy that is bursting out. its like a pin. focus it and it'll be able to penetrate and execute!
to burst into the butterfly before you wither and die.
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