you make me smile

ah well. just when i kinda decided to take a step out.
risk abit.
out of my comfort zone...



"too bad, tt was my last attempt"
the exact words.

hahah. guess it kinda sounds like you've given up.
but the 3-days late six-paged developmental report really has taught me a lesson (yes, yes. not like all my previous late reports didn't. but this time is different. )
i really need to be doing my work.
i'm sorry i can't hang out with lah ok. guess if you don't wanna understand i won't try and make you. x)
maybe i shouldnt have suggested asking adam too, but that was what i had felt like doing though. ohwell.
i still havent met adam to talk to him. the longer the duration till that happens, the more things kinda seem slightly different after everyday, from what i originally wanna say. more things to say maybe?

--------

back to the point about it being different.
this time i had the support of a friend. someone i might just call best friend. hahah. :] :]
you make me smile. hahahah. but its not the in love kinda smile i guess. its the i'm so glad you care kinda smile.
first time i've a friend like that i guess.
hahah. your support during that period was incredible. sometimes you didn't do much. just the occasional reminder to take a break. (and buying a piece of chocolate for me here and there xD )
now maybe tts what made a difference. i was so uptight (and upset) about myself not being able to do and submit the report in time. hahha. its not the "jiayou you can do it" kinda support. its the "take a break, you're doing what you can" kinda support :)   
it makes me just wanna do better x)

 i really meant it when i had said she's lucky to have you. hahha. hmm.
tt kinda has occasionally weighed down in my mind. that: hmm. i had said that. but now the two of you are no longer together. does that change things.

BUUT, im thinking too much. x) come'on. i dun wanna be told that i'm just the rebound. i wanna be told that im a treasured friend. not something of convenience.

it bugs me so often. to have sth happen out of convenience. just like the feeling i had first gotten from you chris.

 ------


i've a feeling i've just been placed behind the "just friends" line. hahah. i've noticed that i made the last statement in our conversations and you didn bother replying. hahha. looks like our conversations are about to be cut short.
can't say i feel like i'm missing out though :S

might be a weight lifted. that i might no longer be implicating you if what i feel like doing is to just msg you. not lead you on. just friends ain't so bad! i don't have to worry about what i'm relaying if i do certain things, and thus have to stop myself. tt was the reason why i msged adam randomly instead of you really.

i was just thinking about it. i should concentrate on my studies. its just one more year. i can't keep goign out and having fun all the time. and i just wonder: will you be someone who waits?

wondering just for the fun of it.



---
t1, i really do love you as a friend :] sometimes i feel like conveying it but i stop myself all the time.
or maybe not all. hahah.
but tt occasion was subtle. i was really grateful for your support during the struggling-with-devt-report period. ^^