I was once sure I would not be holding a party and inviting everyboddyyyy, i..e. family + friends, to be in the same location at the same time for the sole purpose of celebrating something which might not need that big a blowup; my birthday. All the "trying to be in multiple places at once", not sure I was up for that challenge.
But yuanjing suggested I should just hold a party and invite all my frens! :) she and the others could help me out. This discussion happened over dessert @ udder's held to celebrate yanning's return + belated birthday. and that was, let me try and recall, on the 21st of august - 1 week before the party! hardly a discussion really. it was an IDEA.that was about it.
i was still sure i wouldnt want EVERYBODY who i've known in my entire 21 years of my life to be in the same place at the same time to wait to sing happy birthday to me. so what i had in mind was a "just friends" gathering.
i was so keen on having a bbq, right from the start when i had considered if i wanna hold anything. dad was real against it though. which was probably one of the factors fuelling the tension i felt before i uncontrollably shed tears.
anw! the planning was some degree of fun! :D deciding what food to prepare, to cook, to bring, to eat. yum yum. to bond over. hahah. some of the things on the menu wasn't materialised in the end though.
i realllly do hope at least majority of the ppl who went had enough to eat:D
ppl who went: TJ climbers!
Rickson, Kang Zhuang, Russell, Cheryl :) :)
[ really touched they came down. i had only asked them arnd 2 days before the event. ]
YuanJing, Yanning, Angelina, Desiree, Huiqi[ really just love them to BITS. really wished anh could have been there too.
yuanjing and yanning are absolute darlings. they helped me to skewer the chicken kebabs! :)
angel got balloons for me! which i have absolutely grown to love the big still-taunt helium one that says "21" three times over it. <3
the smaller ones turned flaccid in the most 2 days time.. filled with love nonetheless.
Peizhi couldn make it but she had one delivered to my place.(my first ever official deliveryman gift delivery) ]
KangSheng, Christopher, Choon Wei, Adam, Karl
[a pity the girls couldn make it. and i got teased that I hailed from an all-boys secondary school! -.-
they came early to help me out! what i had asked was for them to help carry the drinks.. guess they didnt see it coming that they had to help start up the fire and charcoal set-up. opps. kangsheng helped out alot. not sure if its only because he likes bbqs like he said.
yuanjing was talking to chris, adam and karl - she said they said it was mutual b/w me and him.
that kinda stirred up some stuff. things nearly got out of hand really. can't imagine what might have happened if we actually held a conversation over the phone the night after.
was it a good thing or not that the house phone was freaking faulty?
karl happened to have his X-mini speaker with him. i feel its a pity i couldnt play the playlist i had gone through so much effort to get from marisa. but not that anyone missed out anw:) ]
Uni Friends: t1, yanni, t2, kenny, li en, su ping. iris and ricky <- who came late but still came down!:)
things that happened for the bbq in a timeline that runs backwards:
ran around eastpoint right before the event to:
buy bread from cheers; wanted to get First Choice brand but there wasn't any.
look for a styrofoam box to put my ice and drinks. can't help feeling ABSolutely fortunate that the florist gave me hers, and it happened to not have any holes in it. she said her boxes always had!
buy ice from NTUC
check the price of ice at 7-11 with t1 & yanni:)
unload things from angel's car with yanning, yj, angel! the guys came over to help carry the stuff.
angel came with balloons, she drove ovr even aft she had already parked at modena! hahah.
put on make-up, decide what to wear, bath.
wanted to put on falsies! but no eyelash glue!! rarrr.
yanning came over. and joined yuanjing to help skewer green marinade chicken kebabs!
yuanjing brought eyelash curler to lend me:)
peizhi's balloon arrived?
yuanjing was first to come!
peeled 1.5 kg of grey prawns!
degut 1 KG OF SOTONG! :D
washhhhh all the prawns and trim off the feelers & sharp potrusion on its head
BARE-hand picked 1.5 kg of grey prawns and 0.5 kg of tiger prawns (which i didn try! sigh.) and 1 kg of sotong. [ hard-core or what!! hahah. i spent the MOST time at the seafood counter among all the other customers. that includes another psychotic looking woman who put in even more effort to choose her grey prawns than me. it involved ignoring my qn of how she picked her prawns as well. ]
buy paprika powder.
the day before: i went to shengshiong with kor and yanning. after training in sch @ nus - which also involved me nearly pulling out my hair trying to set up a connection to get songs from mar's laptop. resorted to trad. thumbdrive.
bought pork ribs! 3 racks. pork belly, 2 packets. and a whole bunch of other stuff i can't rmb. we saw so many bizarre things. i was horrified they sold live turtles :( :(
THE BBQ:
i spent so much time running around i'm not too sure what exactly was happenign. HAHHAH.
ahwell. its a memorable night.
particularly because of certain things i thought i had learned.
and of course learning how much my friends love me reallyyyyyy draws me closer to them. - be it just turning up, or having left a VERY lasting impression by going the distance to help me out with the event.
kor helped me out so much! the support. the feelign is incredible :) the brother who use to bully me and not give a shit. (hahahah! but yest he still did shut off the com while i was in the midst of checking the last few nusclimb emails -.- )
leroy was such a great help too. and i love jie! hahah. no matter what she does:D
yj: "they said he asked you out 3 times but you didn go. so when you asked the 4th time he said no"
i was devastated. because was this really a guy who cares/had cared? but now is too disappointed to hold on?
but hey, if things were to be this way. and if really 3 times is all you bother to try. the thing is that i had not intentionally turned you down because i could not imagine spending time alone with you.
there was that occasion i had waited at the platform for you to reply! 15 mins? maybe i should have called. you didnt either. can't recall what exactly happened anw.
i can't rmb what the other 2 times were. was it there was once that you said "spontaneity is dead" after? i did offer to meet at starbucks. was that another one of the 3 times?
why do i feel so inclined to apologise right at this moment. to apologise to you, kangsheng. nobody else but you. is it because i feel the need to protect aft the feelings you've been through for jiaxin. the thing is i really don't know how much of a player are you? (if you are.) which might have been why i hadnt "risked", and could only wonder why had you suddenly drawn yourself to me by sms-ing me more often. was i just simply one of your shoot-and-see-if-it-hits "targets". or am i feeling apologetic because i have thought of you that way, when all you simply did was care. (judging from what i learnt during the bbq) or am i apologising because i did not accept the times when you asked whether i could meet up.
i have ALWAYS been skeptical of people. when i feel that is there a possiblilty that they like me? - not out of convenience? or that they may be interested in me - not just trying for the fun of playing with my feelings? the barrier i have placed around my heart is thick. or maybe my heart. is non-existant. - is that why i find that i don't place them in guys; and therefore i don't get any of the zzt zzt feelings. I've learnt this in Dynamics of interpersonal skills! ahhaha. the different types of love!! definately not eros, or ludic. or maniac. its the pragmatic kind.
but kenny, you use to give me the zzt zzt feeling. but it wasnt a love a first sight. i have nvr experienced that! its always a step too late when i reciprocate feelings of attraction. it happened with xingwen at least.
won't yall just give me some time? i can't help but apologise for taking longer than what might be considered courteous. but that's just the way I am and maybe i shouldn't apologise. I'm more aware now at least! the game of courtship. now that I'm 21 already. ahahha!
won't you wait for me? i'm not doing it intentionally to test you. i need time to discover more about myself about you.
am i already falling deeper? :)
if it were to not work out, i'm glad i tried.
or is it that i only like them when they have pulled away?
you need to be quicker next time crystal! xD
BEL. there's this thing about bel too. ahhahah. i dunno. i thought there was something when he passed me the climbers' gifts for me.
but kangsheng, out of the corner of my eye, i caught that look in your eye. it was a look of sadness. of deep thoughts running through your head. more than once, when i was talking to kenny and the others, and when i was talking to bel/ the climbers. you were looking at me, and there was sadness when you looked away.
i need to stop saying that i dunno. its about being aware of my surrondings and ppl's feelings.
tuesday has yet to come! ><
in my phone call, i wanted to say i like you. but i have no guts to call anymore. i'll just see what happens in its place. is there a natural run of events to happen in its place?
or have you already pulled away? ><
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