Now it's nearing the end of the year. How is it that most people use this time for retrospection and reflection? Is it because Christmas and the New Year is coming? Christmas brings gatherings and thanksgivings. And the New Year brings new year resolutions and new beginnings.
As much as I think that time is a continuum (something continual, don't count me for the physics), I too fall into the retrospective mood.
It is a nice feeling. It started with a random search of a photo to post on instagram. A scroll through the phone and a random stop. It ended up being a photo of us happy travellers in the snowy mountain top somewhere in Ladakh, India (ST, Shu, myself and T.). Playing among the falling snow :)
2018, I have a new family member
.="" and="" believe="" belong="" call="" can="" don="" how="" however="" i="" instinct="" is="" maternal="" my="" nbsp="" nesting="" one="" own.="" p="" someone="" strong.="" t="" this="" to="" yearning="" you="">
I'll be having my very first niece too! (First direct/ nuclear family niece) It sure is exciting!
I can't wait to shift into my new house with T. and little T.
How my heart bursts with excitement and joy. And inevitably a little bit of trepidation on the changes that will come :)
I hope I still am able to stay spiritual, in spirit. Haha. Considering that I haven't exactly been meditating. Meditating doesn't have to be on the cushion right? Sometimes bad thoughts come, and I am able to bring awareness to it. I don't have to explain to myself why I have them. I can take steps to be mindful and strengthen my awareness :) (Or ability to step back and bring up awareness)
...
So now it's been about 2 years in my current household with all my lovely family-in-law members. I'm about to shift out, and hey. Am I to be happy or sad? ;)
<3 .="" and="" believe="" belong="" call="" can="" don="" how="" however="" i="" instinct="" is="" maternal="" my="" nbsp="" nesting="" one="" own.="" p="" someone="" strong.="" t="" this="" to="" yearning="" you="">
Thursday, December 13, 2018
Monday, October 03, 2016
Discernment
Saturday was spent at PMT. It was heartening to see Violy, Wai Kit, and Sharon, and to hear the dhamma. Kor shared about Right View. And I received a book - Discernment.
I think it's a book I can bring on the upcoming honeymoon.
Fly away!
I'm blessed to have my family as my spiritual friends.
My takeaways from Kor's sharing: Right View has to be fabricated. And so is the spiritual path. Don't abandon the raft. Cling onto it with dear life, because the path is important.
I'm looking forward to the next sharing :)
Saturday, August 06, 2016
a sunday kind of love
It's time for some review and reflection. I've attended some beneficial courses very recently: BSM (Building Strong Marriages); and The Influence Advantage (by Charisma Academy).
My key area of development now is how to practise assertiveness. It was a pleasant surprise how the Influence Advantage built upon the concepts on assertiveness that BSM had set the foundation, complementing each other.
The lesson from BSM was: assertiveness with kindness. In the Influence Advantage (IA), it was a practical model that was taught and definitely very applicable. The Z model of positive evaluation, negative evaluation, stating expectations, positive consequence, negative consequence. What really was helpful is the phrases I can use to express this expectation. "It would help if you could..." Though the phrases that were taught were "I'd like you to do this by..."; "I expect you to..." which probably would be applicable more for work than for personal relationships IMO.
The thing about stating expectations, is to state clearly and directly what I want. Which means I have to know exactly what I want. This need to convey exactly what I want, will definitely clear out my inner noise.
To be a good influencer, fickle mindedness is not one of her qualities. That's one thing I've got to try and kick out of my closet. (or my head).
My key area of development now is how to practise assertiveness. It was a pleasant surprise how the Influence Advantage built upon the concepts on assertiveness that BSM had set the foundation, complementing each other.
The lesson from BSM was: assertiveness with kindness. In the Influence Advantage (IA), it was a practical model that was taught and definitely very applicable. The Z model of positive evaluation, negative evaluation, stating expectations, positive consequence, negative consequence. What really was helpful is the phrases I can use to express this expectation. "It would help if you could..." Though the phrases that were taught were "I'd like you to do this by..."; "I expect you to..." which probably would be applicable more for work than for personal relationships IMO.
The thing about stating expectations, is to state clearly and directly what I want. Which means I have to know exactly what I want. This need to convey exactly what I want, will definitely clear out my inner noise.
To be a good influencer, fickle mindedness is not one of her qualities. That's one thing I've got to try and kick out of my closet. (or my head).
Saturday, February 26, 2011
you make it real for me
19 feb: went over to your place to aft training at CA. went to orchard to shop for your notebook! saw alot of notebooks.
sunday 20 feb: met up with the others at night.. i was late. zz. cause i went to your notebook. then i took too long. hahah. mm. really wanted the green covered one but the thickness wasn't right.
monday 21 feb: suppose to meet you for lunch (porridge at chinatown?) but i ate brunch at home instead at 10am because my mom had left food for me on the table. went over to your place to study.. and we had curry rice at maxwell food centre at arnd 2pm. yum. you tiao and soya bean milk for dessert, while you had orange juice. you bought 2 rolls of popiah that turned out to be super spicyy. then i went for trg and missed the election rallying. hahha.
surprisingly (and very much coincidentally) met siying outside the gym along the corridor. so i didn feel tt embarassed about having to walk into the conference room when the meeting's already about to end. heh.
training wasn't too bad. did pyramid pullups. which just reminds me that i havent trained a single pullup since monday.
tuesday 22 feb: i lied that i was going to meet anh! i reeeeaaaally had to use as much time as i can get to do up your notebook.
went to eastpoint (and took one hour -.- ) to choose 2 pens; one black and one brown:) .
as expected the starting was the toughest because it could only begin when the planning has been finalised.
copied all the relevant blog entries, plus about 3 or 4 more of the book entries, and went to slp after that. time check: probably around 4am. or 5.
oh! i met you at 6.30pm to have dinner at ion! quiznos! which tasted reallyy good. and fresh. we walked over to cathay; thinking to catch a movie. time check 8+ pm as we were watching trailers. watched "what women want".
and the last 5 mins of "the king's speech". hahhahaha! well we caught the speech xD
nearly last train home. you told me you smiled all the way back home..
you said i'm easy to talk to.
so long as im easy for you to talk to.
230211, 0150: "the luckiest guy in the word"
wednesday 23 feb: felt bad because i knew you were at home and probably feeling ill. but i couldnt go see you :/ wrote and wrote i.e. copied and copied. till there's a big thick blister on my third finger (which is still sore) and my wrist was hurting; but i still carried on copying. around 12am? anh says: faster la!
hahaha. decorated, drew, chose;print;pasted, filtered, coloured, highlighted. yes finally finished at 5am+
the sense of fulfillment is incredible. DAMN HAPPY. went to sleep.
thursday 24 feb 2011:
happy valenthursday :):)
it's our valentine's week! ahhaha.
yay. met you in the morning. which i was late. sigh. went to rider's cafe for breakfast :) :)
your gift is so thoughtful. nothing i could have even imagined. ahhahah. really. out of the world; in the stars and moon!! ;D (literally.) 3 stalks of roses~
sigh weather was nice. but we walked out though. too bad couldn't go into the stables area to see the horses..
went to botanic gardens! so that i can pass you your gift. (yess-arh)
then you told me how could your gift compare to mine..
well i really thought yours was "damn up" what. handicraft!! while mine is er.. well, book. hahah. but after that i was really happy that my gift to you was what you felt the best thing ever.
read till the cow came home. (and looked like the heavens was going to rain down in torrents). we went to MARXX (Arteastiq Tea Lounge by Marxx) at mandarin gallery. (pomelo tea is nice! so sweet:) gelato and ice tea not so.. mm. but ambiance was.. greaatt.) the sweetest hang out place ever.
i teared. 2 tears was all tt left. you saw one tear. i wonder if you knew.. the reason why i "didn't want to know the answer".
"was i the rebound" you nvr quite answered the qns present across my entries.. somehow i felt that maybe i could sense the answer; since you didn't address them. i'm was the rebound yet i'm still happy? x)
i can't help but shake my head.
headed over to cuppage.
you thanked me for opening my heart to you; and for trusting you. as we sat there; along the walkway where tens and if possible hundreds could have walked past. we only sat for half an hour or so.
took a pict with a heart shape. yay x)
fantastic day. wished you were well, to have made it even better.
250211, 0027hrs : "holding on to the hand of my most important person in my life the whole day today..next to me..who is the reason why i bear my phone with so much importance when you are nt with me.."
friday 25 feb 2011: HAPPY 2nd MONTH.
dim sum breakfast @ dhoby ghaut. (surprised you wore shoes xD )
head to your place. studied. webcasted. [2 songs exchanged. 'surprised i had one too:) ]
you went for tuition while i coloured.
had a fantastic talk with your mom. talked about alot of things. learnt ALOT of things. you, your brother, your sister.. about your mom too..
(thankful that your mom would share so much with me. what can i say. i feel so accepted into your family; parents wise that is. thankyou. really. your parents are wonderful.
your mom can get naggy though. like all moms.)
dinner was yum. neat. 3 of us. at the dinner table.
you make it so real.
something has changed. it's as though something had solidified overnight. words need not be spoken; msges need not be exchanged. as though theres now a direct synapse? nearly. maybe not quite but somehow transiently.. like a dotted line.
sunday 20 feb: met up with the others at night.. i was late. zz. cause i went to your notebook. then i took too long. hahah. mm. really wanted the green covered one but the thickness wasn't right.
monday 21 feb: suppose to meet you for lunch (porridge at chinatown?) but i ate brunch at home instead at 10am because my mom had left food for me on the table. went over to your place to study.. and we had curry rice at maxwell food centre at arnd 2pm. yum. you tiao and soya bean milk for dessert, while you had orange juice. you bought 2 rolls of popiah that turned out to be super spicyy. then i went for trg and missed the election rallying. hahha.
surprisingly (and very much coincidentally) met siying outside the gym along the corridor. so i didn feel tt embarassed about having to walk into the conference room when the meeting's already about to end. heh.
training wasn't too bad. did pyramid pullups. which just reminds me that i havent trained a single pullup since monday.
tuesday 22 feb: i lied that i was going to meet anh! i reeeeaaaally had to use as much time as i can get to do up your notebook.
went to eastpoint (and took one hour -.- ) to choose 2 pens; one black and one brown:) .
as expected the starting was the toughest because it could only begin when the planning has been finalised.
copied all the relevant blog entries, plus about 3 or 4 more of the book entries, and went to slp after that. time check: probably around 4am. or 5.
oh! i met you at 6.30pm to have dinner at ion! quiznos! which tasted reallyy good. and fresh. we walked over to cathay; thinking to catch a movie. time check 8+ pm as we were watching trailers. watched "what women want".
and the last 5 mins of "the king's speech". hahhahaha! well we caught the speech xD
nearly last train home. you told me you smiled all the way back home..
you said i'm easy to talk to.
so long as im easy for you to talk to.
230211, 0150: "the luckiest guy in the word"
wednesday 23 feb: felt bad because i knew you were at home and probably feeling ill. but i couldnt go see you :/ wrote and wrote i.e. copied and copied. till there's a big thick blister on my third finger (which is still sore) and my wrist was hurting; but i still carried on copying. around 12am? anh says: faster la!
hahaha. decorated, drew, chose;print;pasted, filtered, coloured, highlighted. yes finally finished at 5am+
the sense of fulfillment is incredible. DAMN HAPPY. went to sleep.
thursday 24 feb 2011:
happy valenthursday :):)
it's our valentine's week! ahhaha.
yay. met you in the morning. which i was late. sigh. went to rider's cafe for breakfast :) :)
your gift is so thoughtful. nothing i could have even imagined. ahhahah. really. out of the world; in the stars and moon!! ;D (literally.) 3 stalks of roses~
sigh weather was nice. but we walked out though. too bad couldn't go into the stables area to see the horses..
went to botanic gardens! so that i can pass you your gift. (yess-arh)
then you told me how could your gift compare to mine..
well i really thought yours was "damn up" what. handicraft!! while mine is er.. well, book. hahah. but after that i was really happy that my gift to you was what you felt the best thing ever.
read till the cow came home. (and looked like the heavens was going to rain down in torrents). we went to MARXX (Arteastiq Tea Lounge by Marxx) at mandarin gallery. (pomelo tea is nice! so sweet:) gelato and ice tea not so.. mm. but ambiance was.. greaatt.) the sweetest hang out place ever.
i teared. 2 tears was all tt left. you saw one tear. i wonder if you knew.. the reason why i "didn't want to know the answer".
"was i the rebound" you nvr quite answered the qns present across my entries.. somehow i felt that maybe i could sense the answer; since you didn't address them. i
i can't help but shake my head.
headed over to cuppage.
you thanked me for opening my heart to you; and for trusting you. as we sat there; along the walkway where tens and if possible hundreds could have walked past. we only sat for half an hour or so.
took a pict with a heart shape. yay x)
fantastic day. wished you were well, to have made it even better.
you smiled so brilliantly today. "the happiest guy today in the entire universe"
the most vibrant i've ever seen you smile at me.
250211, 0027hrs : "holding on to the hand of my most important person in my life the whole day today..next to me..who is the reason why i bear my phone with so much importance when you are nt with me.."
friday 25 feb 2011: HAPPY 2nd MONTH.
dim sum breakfast @ dhoby ghaut. (surprised you wore shoes xD )
head to your place. studied. webcasted. [2 songs exchanged. 'surprised i had one too:) ]
you went for tuition while i coloured.
had a fantastic talk with your mom. talked about alot of things. learnt ALOT of things. you, your brother, your sister.. about your mom too..
(thankful that your mom would share so much with me. what can i say. i feel so accepted into your family; parents wise that is. thankyou. really. your parents are wonderful.
your mom can get naggy though. like all moms.)
dinner was yum. neat. 3 of us. at the dinner table.
you make it so real.
something has changed. it's as though something had solidified overnight. words need not be spoken; msges need not be exchanged. as though theres now a direct synapse? nearly. maybe not quite but somehow transiently.. like a dotted line.
Friday, November 19, 2010
my heart is bursting. like a gargantuas starburst.
omgg. you sweep me off my feet.
i dunno what to sayyy.
thanx for the sunflower! xD
simply dumbfounded.
it might not be much but it's got me dumbfounded.
yanning is that you btw? hahhah. don't put anonymous can! scares me much. :X
i dunno what to sayyy.
thanx for the sunflower! xD
simply dumbfounded.
it might not be much but it's got me dumbfounded.
yanning is that you btw? hahhah. don't put anonymous can! scares me much. :X
Monday, November 08, 2010
freefalll
it's amazing. i like the feeling :D
i had no idea how much i had held back was because of you. x)
i'm always touched that you had once been interested in me though.
now it feels like freefall all the way.
yesterday was a happy day. we talked endlessly. hahah. even at the platform we could have went on. and you were like : "don't tell me now over the platform arh!" when we had been seperated by the railway line at tanah merah :D
i look at you and think: you're the one:]
the one whom i'll let my heart break over.
exams are coming crystal pls study you have less than 2 weeks.
i had no idea how much i had held back was because of you. x)
i'm always touched that you had once been interested in me though.
now it feels like freefall all the way.
yesterday was a happy day. we talked endlessly. hahah. even at the platform we could have went on. and you were like : "don't tell me now over the platform arh!" when we had been seperated by the railway line at tanah merah :D
i look at you and think: you're the one:]
the one whom i'll let my heart break over.
exams are coming crystal pls study you have less than 2 weeks.
Sunday, November 07, 2010
this ain't a love song this is goodbye
we rode in the rain. haaah. mm. romantic? if it had been a love scene it would have been pretty darn romantic. albeit very crazy. but its not. i really didn just wanna "meet below the block" -.- but of all places we chose you picked tt place. sth that i wouldn't forget really. your plan a, plan b, and plan c locations if it had not rained. we still went with it anw.
the jewel box was so nice :O one of the most romantic chill out places i've seen. but of course we weren't going there lah. since i was in slippers especially. you still tell me to wear teeshirt and shorts when you wore berms and loafers. we just hung around. and walked up and down :O cause i felt too awkward if we had just sat down to talk.
i was half holding back with him because i was afraid if i had left anything hanging with you. the "what are you doing crystal" feeling. your blessing had meant so much, i had no idea the extent, nor that i had even been looking for it in the first place. there was a part of me that was holding back because i felt that i had to let you know beforehand. to be fair. so that i won't get nightmares and won't have to worry if you'll be fine.
but you knew! somehow. all along ever since that mambo night when everything transiently met at a crossroad. how embarassing though. i had nooo idea the i had looked that overdressed, and its implications. hmm. ohwell. inthepastinthepast.
but recently you were so nice. and forthcoming. its as though you felt you no longer had anything to lose. i was extremely surprised when you said you were actually at the mrt station. like "pop" there you appeared out of nowhere. and you had waited for like what.. half an hour? deep down i was touched cause i had thought "come'on crystal, you're not that important pls -.-" so i didn dare suspect anything. i thought you had been out for supper or sth. but your appearance there just proved me wrong just when i was thinking who was i for ppl to do that anyway.
i'm so glad we had that meeting. even though initially i had doubts: ok this talk is not going to work out cause i dun even know how to start. maybe i'll just leave it to AFT you come back.
the procrastination alarms bells rang off; i knew i can't keep putting it off.
its like a knot in my heart that i've released. thanks steph for suggesting that talking face to face really would be better. it indeed is, i feel like i dun even have to pass him the msges anymore. and really certain things i'm just thinking too much:) nvr would have known if i had just passed him the stupid msges and left it as it is.
everything still feels the same between me and you:) just that now i know how to frame what i have between you and me.
___________________
meeting you to study today. x)
the jewel box was so nice :O one of the most romantic chill out places i've seen. but of course we weren't going there lah. since i was in slippers especially. you still tell me to wear teeshirt and shorts when you wore berms and loafers. we just hung around. and walked up and down :O cause i felt too awkward if we had just sat down to talk.
i was half holding back with him because i was afraid if i had left anything hanging with you. the "what are you doing crystal" feeling. your blessing had meant so much, i had no idea the extent, nor that i had even been looking for it in the first place. there was a part of me that was holding back because i felt that i had to let you know beforehand. to be fair. so that i won't get nightmares and won't have to worry if you'll be fine.
but you knew! somehow. all along ever since that mambo night when everything transiently met at a crossroad. how embarassing though. i had nooo idea the i had looked that overdressed, and its implications. hmm. ohwell. inthepastinthepast.
but recently you were so nice. and forthcoming. its as though you felt you no longer had anything to lose. i was extremely surprised when you said you were actually at the mrt station. like "pop" there you appeared out of nowhere. and you had waited for like what.. half an hour? deep down i was touched cause i had thought "come'on crystal, you're not that important pls -.-" so i didn dare suspect anything. i thought you had been out for supper or sth. but your appearance there just proved me wrong just when i was thinking who was i for ppl to do that anyway.
i'm so glad we had that meeting. even though initially i had doubts: ok this talk is not going to work out cause i dun even know how to start. maybe i'll just leave it to AFT you come back.
the procrastination alarms bells rang off; i knew i can't keep putting it off.
its like a knot in my heart that i've released. thanks steph for suggesting that talking face to face really would be better. it indeed is, i feel like i dun even have to pass him the msges anymore. and really certain things i'm just thinking too much:) nvr would have known if i had just passed him the stupid msges and left it as it is.
everything still feels the same between me and you:) just that now i know how to frame what i have between you and me.
___________________
meeting you to study today. x)
Thursday, November 04, 2010
and after finding reasons not to like you, yet i think i still do.
saturday 23rd october. huiqi's fabulous hotel suite party.
met you after that. thought you were waiting hahaha but its just that you were still out.
sat and talked about random stuff along the river.
you didn agree it'll be strange to get tog w someone one has
known for so long. but it was subtle and we didn talk about it.
cam whored at the bus stop. when you got too close it wasnt comfortable.
sunday 24th october. nike run. i was late. the run was great.
monday. you bought me warm soya bean milk for reporting stats lecture in the morning. it was a chilly day.
you gave me a lunch box with peanut butter bread in it. would have been a lifesaver had i have had trg tt night..
wednesday 27th october. kaya + jam bread. started to think alot about things. something was bothering me and chris was on my mind.
thursday 28th october. steph i think you talked to me. made me feel better. realised what had been bugging me. i felt better that i've decided not to pass the msges to him but to meet him and talk face to face.
friday 29th october. stayed in the school library with you and suping till late to do remote sensing project.
it was 10pm plus. said you wanna bring me to have the ee mian, i knew it would be closed anw but you still wanted to give it a shot. we reached at 11 and ended up at chang jiang(?) (below the chinatown central w the famous fishhead.) had fishhead beehoon which was good. and porridge. dinner that night was unintentionally on you it seemed :X had said i'll return you the money on monday cause i had no small change but i forgot when monday came.
saturday 30th october. halloween party. i think i was too sticky cause i kept msging.
you had a sweet tongue that night. over sms. i wasn't quite convinced cause of the way you acted after that when i got into the cab. although it had only been one sms.
words were that easy for you.
i feel that they may not be the truth. words are just words. feels like you had said it just for the sake of saying it.
sunday 31st october. spoke to anh. spoke to brother.
i'm reconsidering my situation, and have decided to not be so gullible.
yesterday. you bought the big fourleaves bread. i hadn't really wanted to eat it but i still took it since you bought 2. wanted to pay you yet you didn want. -.- placed a bottle of 100plus in my bag. but i don't like drinking 100plus :X hahah. so you drank half and more.
-ran on the treadmill at cardio lab. that was quite fun. the lab ppl were uber nice. sharon, jason, zul.
today. you bought a tube of maom sweets. it was in my pencil box. i feel that you've been used to doing these kinda things in the past.
saturday 23rd october. huiqi's fabulous hotel suite party.
met you after that. thought you were waiting hahaha but its just that you were still out.
sat and talked about random stuff along the river.
you didn agree it'll be strange to get tog w someone one has
known for so long. but it was subtle and we didn talk about it.
cam whored at the bus stop. when you got too close it wasnt comfortable.
sunday 24th october. nike run. i was late. the run was great.
monday. you bought me warm soya bean milk for reporting stats lecture in the morning. it was a chilly day.
you gave me a lunch box with peanut butter bread in it. would have been a lifesaver had i have had trg tt night..
wednesday 27th october. kaya + jam bread. started to think alot about things. something was bothering me and chris was on my mind.
thursday 28th october. steph i think you talked to me. made me feel better. realised what had been bugging me. i felt better that i've decided not to pass the msges to him but to meet him and talk face to face.
friday 29th october. stayed in the school library with you and suping till late to do remote sensing project.
it was 10pm plus. said you wanna bring me to have the ee mian, i knew it would be closed anw but you still wanted to give it a shot. we reached at 11 and ended up at chang jiang(?) (below the chinatown central w the famous fishhead.) had fishhead beehoon which was good. and porridge. dinner that night was unintentionally on you it seemed :X had said i'll return you the money on monday cause i had no small change but i forgot when monday came.
saturday 30th october. halloween party. i think i was too sticky cause i kept msging.
you had a sweet tongue that night. over sms. i wasn't quite convinced cause of the way you acted after that when i got into the cab. although it had only been one sms.
words were that easy for you.
i feel that they may not be the truth. words are just words. feels like you had said it just for the sake of saying it.
sunday 31st october. spoke to anh. spoke to brother.
i'm reconsidering my situation, and have decided to not be so gullible.
yesterday. you bought the big fourleaves bread. i hadn't really wanted to eat it but i still took it since you bought 2. wanted to pay you yet you didn want. -.- placed a bottle of 100plus in my bag. but i don't like drinking 100plus :X hahah. so you drank half and more.
-ran on the treadmill at cardio lab. that was quite fun. the lab ppl were uber nice. sharon, jason, zul.
today. you bought a tube of maom sweets. it was in my pencil box. i feel that you've been used to doing these kinda things in the past.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
dj got us falling in love again.
"that which touches the soul/heart is nothing more than a fleeting emotion."
maybe i should just go be a nun. ahhahahahahah.
christopher's 21st celebration yest. combined with karl's. same place as adam's. ahha. but block C#2. had fun deco-ing. tho damn tiring cause i think i'm damn OCD -.-
didn't stay. strange with ryan, jazreel and sabrina around.
but yet i stayed up till 6.30 am aft reaching home at 3 plus :O
sorting out alot of things i havent quite expected to. started off with writing of the msges onto the slips of paper for him to bring to aus. ( lw's idea (y) )
i wrote 17 slips i think. in total. ahhaha. started off as crap, then i started penning down my thoughts.
i'm still wary of the direction i'm going with t1.
afterall, that which touches the soul/heart is nothing more than a fleeting emotion right marcus low? ahhah. i wonder where in the world you had gotten that quote, and how you could stand putting it in your nick for since the start of time. but i seem to understand what it means now. had nvr quite agreed with it until now. random much.
the msges i wrote you. are really heartfelt. hmm. this friendship is worth sacrificing any risks or change in dynamics tt'll be present in a "bgr". nvr quite understood it till now.
we go way back and we have so much history. i just can't see us getting together. hahah. x)
platonic.
i hope what i've written doesnt sound too stupid :/ like the othr time over smses. that was damn stupid but i didn know any othr better way to put across what i wanted to say. or whether i should have in the first place but i've already done so anw. anw, how i've penned it across in words. i hope it doesnt sound too stupid :/
some things are hard to put it words. sounds so stupid. to clearly define things that do not have borders/boundaries/absolute definitions. i don't like it but i can't find a better way to tell you anw.
our frenship. it seems like its sth i hold close to my heart. or so i have come to learn.
t1. you told me i appeared in your dreams! hahaha. there are some things i just wanna tell you, but i can't.
i sat on the train yest on the way back home aft you alighted. and i spent the entire journey cancelling and retyping my msg.
"you make my day no matter how cranky i am in the morning. seeyou on sunday if the run's still on! "
cancel. edit. retype. cancel.
"chng, strange how you make my day no matter how cranky i am in the morning. seeyou on sunday if the run's still on!"
cancel. edit. retype. cancel.
"it's strange how you seem to make my day eventuallly no matter how cranky i am in the morning. seeyou on sunday if the run's still on."
it ended up as
"Thanx for a breakfast full of milk pan love! Hahah."
which im happy cause it conveys what i wanna say basically anw.
i just couldnt send it. doesnt make sense to i guess. even though it came up on my mind the entire day in school while we were tog. kept thinking its like no matter how lousy. cranky. pms-y. im just a freaking rebound kinda feeling why am i talking to you. i get in the morning, you just seem to make my day better one way or another or by just being there and your cheerful self. or how we laugh tog. or how you make me laugh and feel better abt school.
i'm just still worried. skeptical. suspicious. the duration from your breakup. its just not right. you didn seem to have had a proper buffer time. you had came to me for an avenue. an outlet? to talk things out. to HTHT. maybe its just that the cause and conditions had been placed right. it doesn't feel right. i guess time would tell, but i hate it when i say that.yo
u're so direct. i can't help but react the same way when i know that this. i dunno. i wanna ask you i can't. are you aware that you're rebounding; are you rebounding; are you waiting; have you given yourself buffer time; are you sure; do you know where you're going with this; ARHHH. don't play with my feelings. ahhahaha. even though i know you would nvr. im just not sure if you're aware. but maybe right now i should trust.
i should write you an unposted letter.
but i'm suppose to be doing work -.-
and i hate my post title. hahha
maybe i should just go be a nun. ahhahahahahah.
christopher's 21st celebration yest. combined with karl's. same place as adam's. ahha. but block C#2. had fun deco-ing. tho damn tiring cause i think i'm damn OCD -.-
didn't stay. strange with ryan, jazreel and sabrina around.
but yet i stayed up till 6.30 am aft reaching home at 3 plus :O
sorting out alot of things i havent quite expected to. started off with writing of the msges onto the slips of paper for him to bring to aus. ( lw's idea (y) )
i wrote 17 slips i think. in total. ahhaha. started off as crap, then i started penning down my thoughts.
i'm still wary of the direction i'm going with t1.
afterall, that which touches the soul/heart is nothing more than a fleeting emotion right marcus low? ahhah. i wonder where in the world you had gotten that quote, and how you could stand putting it in your nick for since the start of time. but i seem to understand what it means now. had nvr quite agreed with it until now. random much.
the msges i wrote you. are really heartfelt. hmm. this friendship is worth sacrificing any risks or change in dynamics tt'll be present in a "bgr". nvr quite understood it till now.
we go way back and we have so much history. i just can't see us getting together. hahah. x)
platonic.
i hope what i've written doesnt sound too stupid :/ like the othr time over smses. that was damn stupid but i didn know any othr better way to put across what i wanted to say. or whether i should have in the first place but i've already done so anw. anw, how i've penned it across in words. i hope it doesnt sound too stupid :/
some things are hard to put it words. sounds so stupid. to clearly define things that do not have borders/boundaries/absolute definitions. i don't like it but i can't find a better way to tell you anw.
our frenship. it seems like its sth i hold close to my heart. or so i have come to learn.
t1. you told me i appeared in your dreams! hahaha. there are some things i just wanna tell you, but i can't.
i sat on the train yest on the way back home aft you alighted. and i spent the entire journey cancelling and retyping my msg.
cancel. edit. retype. cancel.
cancel. edit. retype. cancel.
it ended up as
"Thanx for a breakfast full of milk pan love! Hahah."
which im happy cause it conveys what i wanna say basically anw.
i just couldnt send it. doesnt make sense to i guess. even though it came up on my mind the entire day in school while we were tog. kept thinking its like no matter how lousy. cranky. pms-y. im just a freaking rebound kinda feeling why am i talking to you. i get in the morning, you just seem to make my day better one way or another or by just being there and your cheerful self. or how we laugh tog. or how you make me laugh and feel better abt school.
i'm just still worried. skeptical. suspicious. the duration from your breakup. its just not right. you didn seem to have had a proper buffer time. you had came to me for an avenue. an outlet? to talk things out. to HTHT. maybe its just that the cause and conditions had been placed right. it doesn't feel right. i guess time would tell, but i hate it when i say that.yo
u're so direct. i can't help but react the same way when i know that this. i dunno. i wanna ask you i can't. are you aware that you're rebounding; are you rebounding; are you waiting; have you given yourself buffer time; are you sure; do you know where you're going with this; ARHHH. don't play with my feelings. ahhahaha. even though i know you would nvr. im just not sure if you're aware. but maybe right now i should trust.
i should write you an unposted letter.
but i'm suppose to be doing work -.-
and i hate my post title. hahha
you dreamt me. you were bringing me around your band room which was like a maze with many rooms.
Friday, October 22, 2010
you make it easy, as easy as onetwo, onetwothreefour
wednesday:
1 x snickers bar from out of nowhere.
thursday. passed like normal.
but we went to macs.
friday. breakfast at holland v. : O
i have you tiao/butterfly/hum ji peng/oily nonsense of similar sort etc craving. heh.
but we're going provenance anw.
interesting. i wonder if this is compromising on studies :(
mr rebound, are you rebounding?
i love that you don't play games though xD
not the games ks seem to play; which are how irritating.
nothing like anything i've ever been through :)
mr rebound. i sigh.
i'm glad i've put certain things like ks in the past -.- i forgot how childish/disrespectful you cud get.
1 x snickers bar from out of nowhere.
thursday. passed like normal.
but we went to macs.
friday. breakfast at holland v. : O
i have you tiao/butterfly/hum ji peng/oily nonsense of similar sort etc craving. heh.
but we're going provenance anw.
interesting. i wonder if this is compromising on studies :(
mr rebound, are you rebounding?
i love that you don't play games though xD
not the games ks seem to play; which are how irritating.
nothing like anything i've ever been through :)
mr rebound. i sigh.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
you smile, i smile.
the song's stuck in my head.
suddenly all the love songs i had heard on radio seem to make sense. HAHHA.
someone with whom i can freely express myself and laugh as much as i want
but when things are too good to be true, they probably are.
lucky i still caught 7 to head to gu ma's place x)
you waited which i was kinda touched in a weird way. ahhaha. you were so subtle. i was wondering; you had just let me walk to my bus stop without a second glance.
monday: ya passed me 2 packets of HOR YAN HOR tea (lol!) cause on sun morning i said i felt like i was gonna get a sorethroat
you were troubled by an erroneously sent sms :/
went to mr bean to satisfy soya bean milk craving. wished sth there could hav made you feel better but you were full anyway.
-you gave me a bunch of banana inflorescence flowers. bunch of 4. haahahh! damn cute lah the effort. tied in orange string which i was so surprised about where in the lab did you manage to get the string from.
super thick haze. you said it was harder to breathe.
i said "sometimes i feel the air is harder to breathe yet its nth to do with the psi! xD you ever get tt?"
wondered what secret you said you wanted to share with me about how you went to look for the string. something abt "will only be there if you look for it"
late at night; you asked if you "had the pleasure of of inviting me to go for a movie with you aft school tmr." hahahhah. omgomg. i couldnt though, sorry for being a wet blanket. but you said no la i am not a wet blanket. hahah. x)
omgomgomg
turns out the secret was about some imagining what you want trick you read from the book the secret.
ate at YIH, super spicy kimchi soup with maggiemee-cheapo-pseudo-ramen. 4.20 bucks.
he had pepper lunch.
watched webcast at s16. hahahah. if i didn get it wrong i thought you faintly said cute. when i kept falling aslp during webcast. xD omgomg.
i wonder if you felt weird when we were on the train.
mm. i have a feeling you were still assessing ks which you seem to have always done so the past 2 times you had met him. but of course it might just be me. just wondering i guess.
my peripheral vision wasnt tt good.
hahah. we make a cute pair cause i find myself being able to express whatever the hell i wanna express. and laughing however much crazymuch i want to laugh, even if its over stupid things.
but when things are too good to be true they probably are. i don't want to be a rebound :/
rebound.rebound.rebound.it rings in my head.
zero-fighting no more pls!
suddenly all the love songs i had heard on radio seem to make sense. HAHHA.
someone with whom i can freely express myself and laugh as much as i want
but when things are too good to be true, they probably are.
- friday: 3 sets of 5 pullups.
- saturday: spontaneous dim sum buffet. course-of-action-diverted from eating vegan burger @ eunos. couldn't believe mr omnivore wanted to go have vegan burger :D
lucky i still caught 7 to head to gu ma's place x)
you waited which i was kinda touched in a weird way. ahhaha. you were so subtle. i was wondering; you had just let me walk to my bus stop without a second glance.
monday: ya passed me 2 packets of HOR YAN HOR tea (lol!) cause on sun morning i said i felt like i was gonna get a sorethroat
you were troubled by an erroneously sent sms :/
went to mr bean to satisfy soya bean milk craving. wished sth there could hav made you feel better but you were full anyway.
- tuesday : 2 sets of 10 pullups assisted :D
-you gave me a bunch of banana inflorescence flowers. bunch of 4. haahahh! damn cute lah the effort. tied in orange string which i was so surprised about where in the lab did you manage to get the string from.
super thick haze. you said it was harder to breathe.
i said "sometimes i feel the air is harder to breathe yet its nth to do with the psi! xD you ever get tt?"
wondered what secret you said you wanted to share with me about how you went to look for the string. something abt "will only be there if you look for it"
late at night; you asked if you "had the pleasure of of inviting me to go for a movie with you aft school tmr." hahahhah. omgomg. i couldnt though, sorry for being a wet blanket. but you said no la i am not a wet blanket. hahah. x)
omgomgomg
- wednesday (today): 3 sets of 10! assisted.
turns out the secret was about some imagining what you want trick you read from the book the secret.
ate at YIH, super spicy kimchi soup with maggiemee-cheapo-pseudo-ramen. 4.20 bucks.
he had pepper lunch.
watched webcast at s16. hahahah. if i didn get it wrong i thought you faintly said cute. when i kept falling aslp during webcast. xD omgomg.
i wonder if you felt weird when we were on the train.
mm. i have a feeling you were still assessing ks which you seem to have always done so the past 2 times you had met him. but of course it might just be me. just wondering i guess.
my peripheral vision wasnt tt good.
hahah. we make a cute pair cause i find myself being able to express whatever the hell i wanna express. and laughing however much crazymuch i want to laugh, even if its over stupid things.
but when things are too good to be true they probably are. i don't want to be a rebound :/
rebound.rebound.rebound.it rings in my head.
zero-fighting no more pls!
Monday, October 18, 2010
cause i'm in too deep, and i'm trying to keep, up above in my head, instead of going under.
non-stop msges. haah.
i'm just afraid it hardly means anything. if i fall in too deep.
i wanna let go with what i held on to with chris. i just hope he knows. :(
how.
i'm just afraid it hardly means anything. if i fall in too deep.
i wanna let go with what i held on to with chris. i just hope he knows. :(
how.
Monday, October 11, 2010
love love love la la love, la la love. makes the world go round.
hahha. i feel damn happy when i see these people around me being so happily in love. hahha. its like i can feel the happiness of a puppy love relationship and not have to see the sorting out issues part.
the sweet things they do for each other. so subtle but i can't help but smile.
hahah. it feels so innocent.
she wants to use the laptop but would wait because he was plugged into it and asleep.
i kinda just want it to stay that way. my impression of love. sweet and innocent. HAAHH.
really. love is all around in the air nowadays.
it makes me feel less left out that i'm not in one x)
happiness from something as selfless as blind love between two people is contagious.
the sweet things they do for each other. so subtle but i can't help but smile.
hahah. it feels so innocent.
she wants to use the laptop but would wait because he was plugged into it and asleep.
i kinda just want it to stay that way. my impression of love. sweet and innocent. HAAHH.
really. love is all around in the air nowadays.
it makes me feel less left out that i'm not in one x)
happiness from something as selfless as blind love between two people is contagious.
ohh. today my gut feelings have told me that no we won't get together in the future. nope, you're not considering. its not quite possible. it has like a shoutout. ahhah. when i passed you my shoebag to help me hold. i knew it x)
machiam some kinda trigger point.
which just leaves it that we're good friends:)
my gut feelings have been pretty accurate this month.
machiam some kinda trigger point.
which just leaves it that we're good friends:)
my gut feelings have been pretty accurate this month.
ok i take back my words.
i dreamt last night,
that you were waiting to hand me something. and to ask i guess.
it wasn't a good feeling. it was a stressful kinda feeling.
it was like the last time when i actually had - wait until commercial break. it was terrible i really shouldnt have done that. i guess i was avoiding.
i no longer wanna know the answer and i no long wonder.
i'm glad i'm no longer weighing you down x) and that you've moved on:)
t1 once said: there's always this devil inside who would say "yes hold on."
i should stop being a bitch.
i wish you happiness!
i dreamt last night,
that you were waiting to hand me something. and to ask i guess.
it wasn't a good feeling. it was a stressful kinda feeling.
it was like the last time when i actually had - wait until commercial break. it was terrible i really shouldnt have done that. i guess i was avoiding.
i no longer wanna know the answer and i no long wonder.
i'm glad i'm no longer weighing you down x) and that you've moved on:)
t1 once said: there's always this devil inside who would say "yes hold on."
i should stop being a bitch.
i wish you happiness!
Saturday, October 09, 2010
you make me smile
ah well. just when i kinda decided to take a step out.
risk abit.
out of my comfort zone...
"too bad, tt was my last attempt"
the exact words.
hahah. guess it kinda sounds like you've given up.
but the 3-days late six-paged developmental report really has taught me a lesson (yes, yes. not like all my previous late reports didn't. but this time is different. )
i really need to be doing my work.
i'm sorry i can't hang out with lah ok. guess if you don't wanna understand i won't try and make you. x)
maybe i shouldnt have suggested asking adam too, but that was what i had felt like doing though. ohwell.
i still havent met adam to talk to him. the longer the duration till that happens, the more things kinda seem slightly different after everyday, from what i originally wanna say. more things to say maybe?
--------
back to the point about it being different.
this time i had the support of a friend. someone i might just call best friend. hahah. :] :]
you make me smile. hahahah. but its not the in love kinda smile i guess. its the i'm so glad you care kinda smile.
first time i've a friend like that i guess.
hahah. your support during that period was incredible. sometimes you didn't do much. just the occasional reminder to take a break. (and buying a piece of chocolate for me here and there xD )
now maybe tts what made a difference. i was so uptight (and upset) about myself not being able to do and submit the report in time. hahha. its not the "jiayou you can do it" kinda support. its the "take a break, you're doing what you can" kinda support :)
it makes me just wanna do better x)
i really meant it when i had said she's lucky to have you. hahha. hmm.
tt kinda has occasionally weighed down in my mind. that: hmm. i had said that. but now the two of you are no longer together. does that change things.
BUUT, im thinking too much. x) come'on. i dun wanna be told that i'm just the rebound. i wanna be told that im a treasured friend. not something of convenience.
it bugs me so often. to have sth happen out of convenience. just like the feeling i had first gotten from you chris.
------
i've a feeling i've just been placed behind the "just friends" line. hahah. i've noticed that i made the last statement in our conversations and you didn bother replying. hahha. looks like our conversations are about to be cut short.
can't say i feel like i'm missing out though :S
might be a weight lifted. that i might no longer be implicating you if what i feel like doing is to just msg you. not lead you on. just friends ain't so bad! i don't have to worry about what i'm relaying if i do certain things, and thus have to stop myself. tt was the reason why i msged adam randomly instead of you really.
i was just thinking about it. i should concentrate on my studies. its just one more year. i can't keep goign out and having fun all the time. and i just wonder: will you be someone who waits?
wondering just for the fun of it.
---
t1, i really do love you as a friend :] sometimes i feel like conveying it but i stop myself all the time.
or maybe not all. hahah.
but tt occasion was subtle. i was really grateful for your support during the struggling-with-devt-report period. ^^
risk abit.
out of my comfort zone...
"too bad, tt was my last attempt"
the exact words.
hahah. guess it kinda sounds like you've given up.
but the 3-days late six-paged developmental report really has taught me a lesson (yes, yes. not like all my previous late reports didn't. but this time is different. )
i really need to be doing my work.
i'm sorry i can't hang out with lah ok. guess if you don't wanna understand i won't try and make you. x)
maybe i shouldnt have suggested asking adam too, but that was what i had felt like doing though. ohwell.
i still havent met adam to talk to him. the longer the duration till that happens, the more things kinda seem slightly different after everyday, from what i originally wanna say. more things to say maybe?
--------
back to the point about it being different.
this time i had the support of a friend. someone i might just call best friend. hahah. :] :]
you make me smile. hahahah. but its not the in love kinda smile i guess. its the i'm so glad you care kinda smile.
first time i've a friend like that i guess.
hahah. your support during that period was incredible. sometimes you didn't do much. just the occasional reminder to take a break. (and buying a piece of chocolate for me here and there xD )
now maybe tts what made a difference. i was so uptight (and upset) about myself not being able to do and submit the report in time. hahha. its not the "jiayou you can do it" kinda support. its the "take a break, you're doing what you can" kinda support :)
it makes me just wanna do better x)
i really meant it when i had said she's lucky to have you. hahha. hmm.
tt kinda has occasionally weighed down in my mind. that: hmm. i had said that. but now the two of you are no longer together. does that change things.
BUUT, im thinking too much. x) come'on. i dun wanna be told that i'm just the rebound. i wanna be told that im a treasured friend. not something of convenience.
it bugs me so often. to have sth happen out of convenience. just like the feeling i had first gotten from you chris.
------
i've a feeling i've just been placed behind the "just friends" line. hahah. i've noticed that i made the last statement in our conversations and you didn bother replying. hahha. looks like our conversations are about to be cut short.
can't say i feel like i'm missing out though :S
might be a weight lifted. that i might no longer be implicating you if what i feel like doing is to just msg you. not lead you on. just friends ain't so bad! i don't have to worry about what i'm relaying if i do certain things, and thus have to stop myself. tt was the reason why i msged adam randomly instead of you really.
i was just thinking about it. i should concentrate on my studies. its just one more year. i can't keep goign out and having fun all the time. and i just wonder: will you be someone who waits?
wondering just for the fun of it.
---
t1, i really do love you as a friend :] sometimes i feel like conveying it but i stop myself all the time.
or maybe not all. hahah.
but tt occasion was subtle. i was really grateful for your support during the struggling-with-devt-report period. ^^
Sunday, October 03, 2010
they tried to make me go to rehab, but i said no no no.
come on man. why are you procastinating. you're not doing honours doesnt mean you don't have to do your assignments. especially when it weighs FIFTEENNNN freaking per cent. crystal where's your single-pointedness!!
i wanna climb/boulder/train.
rar.
you asked me if i have any feelings for him.
i really do hope we meet up in school to talk about it. i need to talk about it. to convey it at least. im not sure if you'll tell him but im thinking you would. so that would be a good thing for him.
i have feelings for him.
but i don't want to go into it knowing that i might hurt him. again. eventually :/
i'm uncertain of a future with him which i can't seem to picture.
its different blogging knowing that its no longer a blog where you know no one would delve into your deepest inner thoughts. if y'all are reading do comment!
i'm thinking my audience probably would only comprise of one :D
i wanna climb/boulder/train.
rar.
you asked me if i have any feelings for him.
i really do hope we meet up in school to talk about it. i need to talk about it. to convey it at least. im not sure if you'll tell him but im thinking you would. so that would be a good thing for him.
i have feelings for him.
but i don't want to go into it knowing that i might hurt him. again. eventually :/
i'm uncertain of a future with him which i can't seem to picture.
its different blogging knowing that its no longer a blog where you know no one would delve into your deepest inner thoughts. if y'all are reading do comment!
i'm thinking my audience probably would only comprise of one :D
Saturday, October 02, 2010
when i get to warwick avenue
when i get to warwick avenue
pls drop the past and be true
don't think its ok just because i'm here
you hurt me bad but i won't shed a tear
absolutely love this song
When I get to Warwick Avenue
Meet me by the entrance of the tube
We can talk things over a little time
Promise me you won't step out of line
When I get to Warwick Avenue
Please drop the past and be true
Don't think we're okay just because I'm here
You hurt me bad, but I won't shed a tear
I'm leaving you for the last time, baby
You think you're loving, but you don't love me
I've been confused, out of my mind lately
You think you're loving, but I want to be free
Baby, you've hurt me
When I get to Warwick Avenue
We'll spend an hour but no more than two
Our only chance to speak once more
I showed you the answers; now here's the door
When I get to Warwick Avenue
I'll tell you, baby, that we're through
I'm leaving you for the last time, baby
You think you're loving but you don't love me
I've been confused, out of my mind lately
You think you're loving, but you don't love me
I want to be free; baby, you've hurt me.
All the days spent together
I wished for better,
But I didn't want the train to come
Now it's departed -- I'm broken hearted,
Seems like we never started
All those days spent together
When I wished for better
And I didn't want the train to come
You think you're loving, but you don't love me
I want to be free.
Baby, you hurt me, you don't love me,
I want to be free; baby, you've hurt me.
When I get to Warwick Avenue
Meet me by the entrance of the tube
We can talk things over a little time
Promise me you won't step out of line
When I get to Warwick Avenue
Please drop the past and be true
Don't think we're okay just because I'm here
You hurt me bad, but I won't shed a tear
I'm leaving you for the last time, baby
You think you're loving, but you don't love me
I've been confused, out of my mind lately
You think you're loving, but I want to be free
Baby, you've hurt me
When I get to Warwick Avenue
We'll spend an hour but no more than two
Our only chance to speak once more
I showed you the answers; now here's the door
When I get to Warwick Avenue
I'll tell you, baby, that we're through
I'm leaving you for the last time, baby
You think you're loving but you don't love me
I've been confused, out of my mind lately
You think you're loving, but you don't love me
I want to be free; baby, you've hurt me.
All the days spent together
I wished for better,
But I didn't want the train to come
Now it's departed -- I'm broken hearted,
Seems like we never started
All those days spent together
When I wished for better
And I didn't want the train to come
You think you're loving, but you don't love me
I want to be free.
Baby, you hurt me, you don't love me,
I want to be free; baby, you've hurt me.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
you think you're loving but you don't love me
kang sheng its as though you heard me. ahhahah. ok, who am i kidding.
i need to study.
you of all times choose to suddenly share at this time.
you're complex. i had no idea to what extent until now.
t1! why are you treating me so nice. sigh. i look at you and sometimes i feel. that.... ok, what runs through my mind half the time is that im the rebound lah really. i wanna ask you but i dunno how.
some things i feel, really shud just be kept to myself. naive thinking/actions can ruin things?
today's a long day why the hell am i still blogging.
i need to study.
you of all times choose to suddenly share at this time.
you're complex. i had no idea to what extent until now.
t1! why are you treating me so nice. sigh. i look at you and sometimes i feel. that.... ok, what runs through my mind half the time is that im the rebound lah really. i wanna ask you but i dunno how.
some things i feel, really shud just be kept to myself. naive thinking/actions can ruin things?
today's a long day why the hell am i still blogging.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
its hard to say i'd rather stay awake when i'm alsp, cause everything is nvr as it seems
crystal. it clearly feels like a rebound and you know it. sigh.
time to put things into proper perspective.
brother says to keep a distance and stop fufilling the rebound girl role. thats generally the idea he's putting across anw. if he's not treating me as rebound he would still show interest even if i stop fufilling that "she's-so-caring" role.
chris is a good friend. can the line be crossed? will that be weird. it feels like it'll end up like sis and kailun. really. he's giving. i'm guilty? really there shud be no feeling of guilt if i were to enter a r/s. but it really kinda feels nice and comfortable. but i clearly know i feel he's a very good friend. so can the line be crossed?
kang sheng is the one with the spark. but i'm just not sure if he's the one if he hadnt showed the interest at certain points of time i felt was significant. everybody i've spoken kinda rules him out. other than kor tt is. he didn't comment at all.
brother says its the chemistry that's the most important. so did peizhi. brother: once you're good friends, there's no more spark.
had a good talk with yuanjing and steph nonetheless. yesterday night. feels like i've been spending too much time thinking about unnecessary things anw!
3rd place btw. for Sim Bouldering Championships 2010.
love it. it brings across a lesson of discipline to me. i need to refocus on studies.
but i can't help but wanna love. but who? its got me confused.
is kangsheng really ruled out because he missed my event. sigh. kang sheng what are you thinking. guess its nth much since you might probably be refocusing on studies.
time to put things into proper perspective.
brother says to keep a distance and stop fufilling the rebound girl role. thats generally the idea he's putting across anw. if he's not treating me as rebound he would still show interest even if i stop fufilling that "she's-so-caring" role.
chris is a good friend. can the line be crossed? will that be weird. it feels like it'll end up like sis and kailun. really. he's giving. i'm guilty? really there shud be no feeling of guilt if i were to enter a r/s. but it really kinda feels nice and comfortable. but i clearly know i feel he's a very good friend. so can the line be crossed?
kang sheng is the one with the spark. but i'm just not sure if he's the one if he hadnt showed the interest at certain points of time i felt was significant. everybody i've spoken kinda rules him out. other than kor tt is. he didn't comment at all.
brother says its the chemistry that's the most important. so did peizhi. brother: once you're good friends, there's no more spark.
had a good talk with yuanjing and steph nonetheless. yesterday night. feels like i've been spending too much time thinking about unnecessary things anw!
3rd place btw. for Sim Bouldering Championships 2010.
love it. it brings across a lesson of discipline to me. i need to refocus on studies.
but i can't help but wanna love. but who? its got me confused.
is kangsheng really ruled out because he missed my event. sigh. kang sheng what are you thinking. guess its nth much since you might probably be refocusing on studies.
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